


Save Me From Myself

by Fabulolz



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Police, Anal Sex, Bottom Lance (Voltron), Detective Lance - Freeform, Dom/sub Undertones, EVERYONE'S HUMAN, Eventual Smut, Everyone's an adult, Gay Lance (Voltron), Gen, I Don't Even Know, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, Lingerie, Love Triangles, M/M, NSFW, POV Lance (Voltron), Past Relationship(s), Power Bottom Keith (Voltron), Sad Ending, Shower Sex, Top Keith (Voltron), Top Lance (Voltron), gangster keith, klangst, mentions of drugs and sex trafficking, they switch occassionally, you may get a little emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-07 14:48:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11625813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabulolz/pseuds/Fabulolz
Summary: I started thinking up a plan quickly, desperate to keep Keith and myself out of trouble.“Keith, I have an idea.” I spun around toward him only to find he was missing from the bed, “Keith?” I looked up at the back window to see Keith fully clothed ready to escape.Keith’s eyes glistened with sorrow and guilt as he hopped out, scampering away.My heart shattered all in one instant, “Keith…”





	1. Incident Day

_July 28, 2010_

_The day of the “Incident”_

“Happy birthday to you,” My lovely boyfriend sang to me, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Lance, happy birthday to you.”

I blew out the single candle on a small cupcake, sticking out my tongue afterwards for a picture he took with his old-fashioned Polaroid. Today was my eighteenth birthday, and here I was in a tiny motel room with the person I loved and cherished more than anyone. Having just run away from home to avoid college, I couldn’t be happier.

I giggled as my lover wiped some blue frosting onto my cheek, “Keith, don’t, I’ll get acne!”

Keith rolled his eyes, smiling nonetheless, “Ah come on, you expected this on your birthday, didn’t you?” He licked the frosting off my skin, causing me to blush. I felt like a real special boy that night.

“Now that I’m an adult, we can do just about anything, huh?” I joked.

“You didn’t even need to be an adult to do just about anything. You’ve already been doing it.” Keith gave me a bottle of beer. I may have been underage, but that didn’t stop me from drinking.

“True, ever since we were sixteen, we’ve just been doing whatever we want.” I laughed and chugged the beer down, “Fuck, I’m so ready to get wasted tonight.”

“Me too.” Keith snorted before laying down. I laid beside him.

“...What are you thinking about?” I asked. Keith grinned and flipped over to face me.

“Lance, let’s run away.”

“We’ve already sort of done that, haven’t we? I mean, I ran away from home and you don’t have a home.” Keith was an orphan, constantly bounced around foster homes until he himself turned eighteen. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Keith put a hand on my shoulder, I relaxed and listened closely, “I mean, let’s run far away. Where no one can find us and we can just… Be alone. Just us.”

I felt like my chest would explode with pure happiness, “Just us?”

“Yeah…” Keith leaned down, kissing along my sensitive neck, he knew all my sweet spots and crevices, “Would you like that?”

I lowered my eyes, tugging Keith’s smooth mullet gently, “You know I’d love it…” There was nothing I would love more in the entire world. Just me and Keith against the world like we always talked about.

We stared at each other silently as if getting a quiet confirmation before conjoining in a deep kiss. I loved everything about Keith; his dark mysterious eyes, his dominate personality, his soft caring smile that only I got to see. Spending the rest of my life with him was my dream. As our tastes slowly started mixing together, it was all interrupted by the sound of sirens in the distance coming closer.

“Ah shit! I think my dad found us!” I jumped out of bed and peeked through the blinds, “Fuck, fuck!” My dad was the chief of police and disapproved of Keith severely. I started thinking up a plan quickly, desperate to keep Keith and myself out of trouble.

“Keith, I have an idea.” I spun around toward him only to find he was missing from the bed, “Keith?” I looked up at the back window to see Keith fully clothed ready to escape.

Keith’s eyes glistened with sorrow and guilt as he hopped out, scampering away.

My heart shattered all in one instant, “Keith…”

I yelped in fear when the door was kicked down. As I was ordered to put my hands up, get on my knees, and told I had the right to remain silent, I continued to stare in the place where Keith’s figure once was, yearning for him to come back. Hoping he would return for me. Because he loved me.

Once locked up in the back of the cop car and handcuffed to the gate, I realized that Keith wouldn’t save me this time. I hid my face into my arms and began sobbing.

* * *

 

_July 28 th, 2017_

_7 years after the “Incident”_

“Gooood morning, Allura!” I chirped to my associate, “Brought you coffee, your favorite! French vanilla, oui?” I grinned as the woman accepted the cup.

“Is this you trying to get something from me?” Allura, the secretary of the police station chuckled.

“Nah, I just wanted to be nice is all.” I smiled cheerfully. Now twenty-five, I was a certified detective and a pretty great one at that. Well, I liked to think I was anyway.

“Well, it is indeed a nice gesture.” She said cheerfully, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” I looked up and waved at another friend of mine, “Hey! Shiro!”

The new chief of police whirled around and grinned when he saw the mocha frappe topped with extra whipped cream and chocolate, “Lance, you really shouldn’t have!”

“Ah, it’s nothing. Just wanted to be friendly.” I handed him the cup, “Any work to be done? I’m trying to keep myself busy.” I had a reason for that, but I wasn’t going to tell them.

“Haven’t gotten any new cases in yet, but you’ll be the first person I notify.” Shiro winked at me. I knew for a fact he was uninterested; I tried flirting with him, but he thought I was joking. So, we just kept flirting as a game.

I nodded, “Okay, thanks!” I started off with my tray of coffees. Now there was only two more people I needed to find... But then I was pulled aside into an office rather abruptly.

Before I could beat the shit out of the person trying to kidnap me, I stopped when I saw my best friend Hunk, head adorned with a cone shaped birthday hat.

“Happy birthday, Lance!” He chirped.

My shoulders slumped instantly and I frowned, feeling that familiar pain in my chest, “Be a little quieter, would ya?” I sighed, looking down, “You know how I feel about this day.”

“I know, I know, you really HATE today, but come on! You’re turning twenty-five! That’s something to celebrate! Twenty-five more years and you’ll be fifty.”

I closed my eyes and gulped, “I really don’t like my birthday…” I never explained to my work partner why, but I told him I didn’t want to talk about it at least.

Hunk took a deep breath, “I know, but… Hear me out?”

I opened my eyes slightly. I couldn’t resist Hunk sometimes, he was cute and lovable, “Okay, what is it?”

He took my hands in his, “Have dinner with me tonight? My place? I promise no cake.”

I felt uneasy still, “No cupcakes either, right?”

“No cake of any kind.” He assured.

I thought about it for a long time before nodding my head slowly. He grabbed me in a hug and I felt butterflies in my stomach.

“You won’t regret it, Lance! You’ll love it, I promise!” He threw his party hat away and ran out of the enclosed office.

I sighed softly and placed a hand on my chest. Sometimes Hunk made my heart flutter, but I couldn’t bring myself to like him completely because of the person who stole my heart years ago… And he seemed to have kept it because I can’t stop thinking about him still to this day…

* * *

 

I don’t know why, but my inner fashionista told me to dress up for the occasion. I drove to Hunk’s apartment complex and paced around outside. I’d already smoked two cigarettes because I was almost an hour early. I didn’t want to seem eager by no means at all, because I wasn’t looking forward to this dinner. What if Hunk got a cake after all or some delicious dessert I can’t resist eating? What if he sings happy birthday? Will I cry like I did all those other times I heard happy birthday? After Keith sang it once, I couldn’t hear it the same way again…

I cleared my throat and convinced myself to step through the main door and walk up the steps to Hunk’s apartment. I hesitated before spraying cologne everywhere and then knocked. He answered immediately, looking handsome as always. He was dressed nicely also, thank God.

“Come in!” He invited me inside and I walked toward the familiar dining room. I’d had a few meals with Hunk once before, he was an excellent chef.

“Want some wine?”

“No thanks.” I responded. I didn’t drink on my birthday.

“Well then, let’s get this party- Eh, I mean, dinner, started.” He laughed nervously before presenting me with a lovely looking artichoke dip.

I picked up a tortilla chip and dipped it into the sauce, taking a bite. I nearly went cross eyed by how good it was, “You’ve outdone yourself again, Hunk.”

Hunk rolled his eyes, “As opposed to the last artichoke dip you tried for me?”

“That one was also good!” I followed him to the kitchen, scooping up more dip.

“Well, I know it’s your favorite.” He said simply, turning to the oven.

“What’s for dinner?” I asked, food in my mouth still, but I didn’t care.

“I decided the best thing to make for you is my classic, but famous, mac and cheese.”

“Oh, hell yeah!” I loved that mac ‘n’ cheese so much and practically craved it every day.

He stirred the pasta and cheese mixture together, “So, I got you a present…”

I felt my heart drop a few stories down my body, “You really didn’t have to…”

“Aw come on, it’s no big deal!” He turned off the stove, letting the mac cool down before he went over to a gift bag on the table, “Open it!” He gave it to me.

I eyed it curiously before reluctantly opening it. I couldn’t resist gifts. I love giving and receiving them more than anything else in this world.

I became puzzled as I encountered a small box. I looked at Hunk suspiciously and smirked, “You’re not trying to propose to me, are you?”

His face turned dark red, “No. J-just open it!” He stuttered.

I chuckled and opened the box. There was a ring inside, yes, but it looked familiar. I gasped, “This one is just like your ring, only blue!” I grinned, “We’re matching!” It was a silly plastic ring out of a fifty-cent toy machine, but the gesture meant so much to me.

“Yeah… I want people to know we’re partners, you know? You’re the Batman to my Robin.” He held up his own yellow ring.

For some reason, I felt like Hunk was trying to tell me more than what he was saying. I kind of got the hint, and was pretty sure Hunk wanted to be more than just friends… Unconsciously, I moved closer to him and he froze up. I stopped when our chests were touching and we gazed into each other’s eyes. He made the first move, ready to dive into my lips for a kiss, but we were interrupted by my work pager.

I’d never jumped away from someone so quickly in my entire life. My heart was pounding ridiculously hard and I felt out of breath. I checked the pager, “Duty calls. Gotta go.” I jogged out quick, holding my crippling chest. I didn’t even look at Hunk before I left, so I didn’t even get to glimpse his disappointed expression. I felt bad, but… I part of me wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. And that part of me was the one that still loved Keith Kogane.

* * *

 

 As I drove to the police station, my emotions were tearing me apart. For one, I was starting to like Hunk too much. And two, I still had deep dark feelings for Keith. I took a deep breath before walking into the building, “What is it, Shiro?”

“We’ve got a lead on that Galra case.” He said, eyes intense and serious. My eyes widened.

“You mean the Galra case we’ve been trying to figure out for years?” The Galra was a huge mafia gang that consisted of an outstanding number of members bigger than the police force. They killed people, robbed them, and did disgustingly cruel things. They also did illegal drug trade and sex trafficking on the side. Overall, they were the worst of the worst.

“Yeah.” Pidge spoke up from her computer. She was the youngest of the task force and was our best and only technical analyst. She typed something up before directing me to the screen, “We’ve managed to pinpoint one of their bases via one of our undercover agents.”

“You and I are going in.” Shiro said, “The fewer, the better.”

I looked back and him, feeling unsure, “Why me?”

“Because you’re our chief inspector and you’ve done more research about the Galra than any other cop here.” He handed me a bullet-proof vest, “So, are you coming?”

I stared at the vest before grinning, “Hell yeah. Let’s get those Galra bastards.”

* * *

 

Shiro and I notified the SWAT team to stay quiet and alert outside the building. We were surrounding an abandoned oil refinery where the Galra traces had been found. Shiro took one entrance on the left side, while I took the one on the right.

Gun in hand, I tiptoed through the building cautiously, ready to pounce if necessary. They don’t call me sharpshooter for nothing, I can hit someone in an instant. So, if I were to get attacked by some gangster, surely, they would be dead before getting within five feet of me. However, it didn’t seem like there was anyone in this place. I checked every door, nook, cranny, and didn’t find squat.

I paused when I heard a noise coming from a vent. It was steady and repeating. I walked towards it and looked both ways before kneeling to open it. I gasped when I saw what was inside: A literal ticking time bomb, about to blow in sixty seconds. I started running, grabbing my walkie talkie, “SHIRO! FALL BACK! FALL BACK!” I yelled, no longer concerned with being caught, “THERE’S A BOMB!”

I quickly turned down a corner hearing another set of footsteps down the hall ahead of me, “Shiro?!” I couldn’t quite make out the person. It wasn’t until we knocked heads that I could tell it wasn’t Shiro.

The man was drenched in blood protruding from his abdomen. He had a hood on and a bandana over his mouth. Was this the undercover cop?

I started sweating as I helped the man onto his feet, “Come on, let’s get you out of here.” His body was limp and it was then I knew that he had passed out. I carried him over my shoulder, “Shiro, I found an injured man!” I said into the walkie talkie, “Let’s get out of-!” I shrieked as the force of the explosion pushed me forward, walls beginning to crumble. I managed to make it to the exit before the building collapsed thirty seconds later.

“Medic!” I called out, putting him down on the ground, ready to preform CPR. I stopped when I heard the man gasp for air, “Sir, are you alright?!”

The anonymous person pulled his hood off, revealing a fluffy black mullet. He tore off his facemask, panting. I stared in shock.

“Keith…”


	2. Fall Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I stared in disbelief; Keith used me to avoid getting put in prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Author speaking! So basically, the way this goes is every chapter starts off with a memory or memories so you can get an idea of Lance's past with Keith, because it is important... I think. 
> 
> I'm publishing a bunch of chapters in the same day, so have fun! Once again, let me know if I should change anything consisting of tags, ratings, content warnings, etc. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable.

_July 28 th, 2010 _

_Moments after the “Incident”_

The police that caught me threw me into an interrogation room. I hated it here especially, having seen my father do violent things from across the table I was now sitting at. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, waiting for my dad to come in and lecture me. I was handcuffed still and extremely emotional. I sniffled, closing my eyes. A lady came in at one point, giving me a water cup and box of tissues. Tissues wouldn’t stop the tears and water wouldn’t help me gulp down my sorrow by any means.

Eventually, my dad burst through the door. I sighed, “Hola papi…”

He eyed me up and down like he always did when I arrived home late, “Look at you.” He said, disappointed. He didn’t like my fishnet leggings and daisy dukes. He disapproved of all my tattoos and tanktops. And he would always nag me about painting my nails (Which I only did to prevent myself from biting them when anxious). More than anything, though, he really disliked my tongue piercing. Because Keith was the one that convinced me to get it and he could not stand the thought of me mixing tongues with a bad boy like Keith.

“Where have you been for the past two days?” He asked, sitting in front of me.

“Well, you know, hanging out…” I rolled my eyes.

He slammed his hands on the table, “Lance, you listen to me right now! Your mother has been worried sick about you and we have been looking for you ever since you decided to pull that stupid little stunt of yours with your stupid boyfriend!” He yelled.

“He’s not stupid!” I defended.

“No, you are! Did you not even notice he’s been wanted for drug trade for weeks?! That kid has been selling heroine by the ounce and Mary Jane by the pound! He even made you his fall guy when we came to arrest him!”

I stared in disbelief; Keith used me to avoid getting put in prison?

* * *

 

_July 29 th, 2017_

_Day after factory explosion._

I couldn’t sleep or eat. Not after seeing what I saw. My ex-boyfriend was covered in blood and I found him in the worst place possible. Now he was a suspect and would probably get put in jail. I wanted to nibble at my nails, but the blue gloss kept me from doing so. The waiting room was vacant, people rarely come into the emergency room at two in the morning.

I stood up when Keith’s doctor came to me. I took out my pen and pad to take notes for Shiro. He had survived the explosion, thank god, but not without landing himself a broken bone first.

“Flesh wound. Stabbed in the abdomen three times. We had to stich him up. He’s alive and well though. Still cuffed to the bed like you ordered.” He said and I nodded before heading to the room.

Unconsciously, I started lighting up a cigarette. A nurse caught me, screeching about how there was ‘no smoking’ allowed in the hospital.

“Okay, okay, calm down.” I took a quick and long drag before tossing it out, “Old habits die hard, ya know?” I typically smoked when I was nervous or bored, a habit I picked up from my old man.

I stood in front of the door, body feeling weak. I didn’t want to go in there alone. I wished Hunk was here, he could protect me from falling in love with Keith again. I picked out the plastic ring from my pocket and put it on. At least my work partner could be with me in spirit. I opened the door slowly.

Keith looked up from his cuffs. He had been trying to sand the chain apart with a nail file. I snorted.

“That’s not gonna work. I can tell you that right now.” I snatched it away from him and popped it into an evidence bag, “Long time, no see…”

Keith silently eyed me, wondering if it was okay to speak, “Yeah…” He finally said, “Too long… You became a cop?”

I removed my police badge necklace and presented it to him, “Chief detective Lance Mcclain. I was in the process of inspecting that oil refinery last night when a bomb went off. Care to explain why there was a bomb in the first place? Did you have to set it up.”

Keith sighed, “Is now really the time?”

“You’re one of our prime suspects.” I said, “Are you with the Galra or not?”

“Was.” He said simply, “I quit and they stabbed me.”

I tilted my head curiously, “Why’d you quit? I didn’t even know you could quit a gang…”

“You can’t. They kill you if you try, which is exactly why I got attacked.” He sat up more, “They only got me three times before they remembered there was a bomb being put in place. So, they ran away and left me for dead. But what they didn’t know is how tough of a guy I am.”

I looked him over again. Yeah, he was so tough, he left his own boyfriend behind to take blame for his crimes.

“I’ll interrogate you more once you’re released from the hospital.” I got up slowly. I wanted to tell him, ‘Let me know if you need anything.’ But I decided not to say it. I didn’t want him thinking I still had a soft spot for him. I walked out of the room, wiping the sweat from my brow. Talking to him always made me feel so hot and bothered. I hated myself for it.

* * *

 

_July 30 th _

_Keith’s interrogation day._

I groaned as I walked into the police station. The bags under my eyes did not look good with my complexion. Once again, I didn’t sleep well. I rolled around in my bed for hours, feeling extremely uncomfortable, so I moved to the couch. Now my whole body was sore because I was practically curled up into a ball all night. My couch was way too small to sleep on, but I did it anyway because something felt off about my mattress.

I sat down at my desk, putting my head down into my crossed arms. I was stressed out because today I would be talking to Keith again. Shiro was making me do it since I was suddenly labeled as the main investigator for the case. Suddenly being the best detective in the police force was less appealing. I wanted to go back home and cry. Cry about being betrayed and broken hearted. The anxiety of seeing Keith again was crushing me, ripping me into pieces.

“Lance?” I heard a voice behind me, but didn’t turn around to address it.

“Hey Hunk…” I mumbled. I peek at him through my arms as he sits beside me in an extra chair.

“What’s bugging you?” He asks, placing a hand on the small of my back. I relax ever so slightly.

“The case I’m currently working on hits real close to home…” I sigh, lifting my head. Hunk frowns at my state.

“How so?”

I look at him; His eyes are wavering somewhat and I know he’s deeply concerned for me.

“The prime suspect was… An important person in my life once…” I see Shiro gesture to me and I head in his direction.

“You ready, Lance?” He asks.

I look through the peep window. Keith is there, wearing an orange jumpsuit already.

“As ready as I’ll ever be…” I walked into the room. Keith stares at me, as if there’s something on my face.

“Keith Kogane.” I say, flitting through the bio papers. Not that I needed them, I knew everything about him.

“In the flesh.” He snorted, “How’s it hanging? You look tired.”

“I am.” I said without thinking before putting the paperwork down. I sit in front of him, “Who put that bomb in the factory?” I decided to ask easier questions first.

“What made you decide to become a police officer?” He was avoiding my questions.

“What made you decide to become a gangster?” I replied.

He lowered his eyes before looking away, “You first.”

“That is confidential to you. It’s none of your business.”

“Well then, I guess we’re in the same boat, aren’t we?” He crossed his arms, “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

We’re staring at different angles of the room, completely silent. The tension is growing and I can feel my stomach twisting into a thousand knots. I can’t help myself.

“Why… Why did you leave me alone that night?” I whisper.

He looks at me finally and his eyes turn sad and gray, “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” I screamed, “You left me for dead that night! You ran off! You manipulated me into loving you!” I clench my fists shaking a little bit.

“…Lance… I’m sorry…” His voice was almost inaudible.

This man was so toxic to my health, yet the part of me still addicted and craving Keith was starting to forgive him. My eyes started watering, but I closed them and stood up.

“I can’t do this…” I say so Shiro can hear me through the one-way mirror. I can feel Shiro’s disappointed gaze even though I can’t see him. I walk out regardless.

The chief catches up to me as I speed walk down the hall, “Lance, what the hell was that?!”

“I LOVED HIM!” I shrieked at Shiro, “I LOVED HIM SO MUCH AND HE USED ME! HE USED ME ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY, DAMMIT!” I started sobbing at some point in that sentence. He looked shocked and I could see Hunk nearby looking just as astounded. Allura came over and started rubbing my shoulders, intending to console me.

“Lance, go home and rest… I’ll take care of it…” Shiro said.

“Okay…” I sniffled.

* * *

 

_July 31 st _

_Day of planning._

Shiro insisted that I stay home, but I refused to do so. This was my case now and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let it drop. When I woke up this morning, I started scolding myself in the bathroom mirror, telling myself that I needed to be professional. That my feelings for Keith needed to be set aside to solve the case.

Hunk, Pidge, and I were assigned to this case, and I’d be dammed to let my two besties down. We sat in the meeting room as Shiro gave us details, telling us what we already knew.

“Besides that, though,” He finished, “I have a plan…”

I raise an eyebrow, “What is it?”

“After interrogating our suspect yesterday, I think it would be a clever idea to work with him.” He said, “I’ve promised to decrease his sentence a bit if he helps us.”

“He can’t be trusted.” Hunk said immediately, “We don’t know what he’s capable of. For all we know, he could be a spy.”

“He’s not a spy.” I said without thinking. I cleared my throat, “I mean, he got stabbed and all…”

Hunk looked at me nervously, like he could see my undying fire for Keith. He knew I was defending him because I loved him, not because he was innocent. I gulped and avoided eye contact with him for the rest of the meeting. My throat burned with bitterness.

“I’ve already talked to Kogane about it.” Shiro said, “And he says he’s okay with it… But there’s one problem…”

“What’s that?” Pidge asked.

“…He wants to be partnered up with Lance.”

My eyes widened; Why the hell would he want to work with me?


	3. We Have History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s up?” Keith asked, handing me clothes.   
> “I don’t wanna live here anymore.” I zipped the bag shut, “I’m going with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is a little... Raunchy..? Yeah, that's what I'm gonna call it.

_September 1 st, 2008_

_The day we met._

My first day of high school was dreadful. Teachers were mean, students were mean, everyone acted like someone shit in their cornflakes. I was just a young immigrant boy in a big city wanting a better education, nothing more, nothing less. It wasn’t until the end of my first day did I start appreciating school more.

A pale boy with a mullet of black hair was spray painting a wall in the school yard. It was just a white wall used for kickball and was the only thing aside from the grass field out there. I heard rumors that the high school used to be an elementary school and there was still some remnants of four-square and basketball hoops left lying around.

I watched as the guy sprayed colors all around, curious as to what he was painting. I deadpanned when I saw the message “Mothman is REAL!”

“Can I help you?” He called out, not looking away from his masterpiece.

“Uh just watching…” I responded, “…What’s a Mothman?”

He turned to me, fury written all over his face, “Just about the foulest mythological beast out there!” He started drawing on the wall, “He’s half moth, half man, and very much real!” He was kind of a dork, but I thought it was cute of him to believe in this fantasy creature.

“Oh, okay…” And with that I was in love.

* * *

 

_November 30 th, 2008_

_The day we started dating._

Every other day, Keith and I would hang out at the white wall, vandalizing it to perfection. Keith would usually paint monsters like Bigfoot or some sort of aliens. I would just paint eyes because it was the only thing I thought I was good at drawing. Every time we went back to our wall, it would be painted white again because the school didn’t want people to see our graffiti. That didn’t stop us from spray painting it repeatedly.

“So…” Keith covered his mouth as he used a bottle of red, “You moved here from Cuba?”

“That’s right.” I told him almost everything about myself, “Where’s your family?”

“Don’t have one.” He said, “I’m an orphan. They died when I was young.”

I frowned looking down awkwardly, “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay.” He said, “I think it’s okay though… I’ve got you…”

I blushed pink, “Yeah, we’re pretty good friends now, huh?”

“…I don’t like that title very much anymore…”

“I don’t follow.” I was puzzled.

He looked at me straight in the eyes before diving down to kiss me. It was my first kiss, so my heart basically burst out of my chest and my head was buzzing with a million sensations. I was frozen with surprise when he pulled back. We stared at each other, faces flushed.

“A-are we going too fast?”

“No, this is fine.” I took his hands in mine, “It’s okay.”

He kissed each knuckle on my fist, “Good because… I’ve liked you since forever…”

“Me too.” I responded. Little did I know this was just the beginning of my trip down the rabbit hole.

* * *

 

_July 25 th, 2010_

_I run away from home._

As we grew older, we started doing worse than just wrecking a wall in the back of our school. We would smash windows of cars, trespass on private property, and even steal booze from liquor stores. I picked up smoking along the way, robbing my dad of cigarettes or using leftovers from the ashtray. My dad smoked a lot, and I started to also. I tried sharing my large cigars with Keith, but he stuck to pot. We never got arrested because my daddy would always get us out somehow.

“They’re just kids.” My mother would defend, “They don’t know what they’re doing.”

But the truth is, we knew exactly what we were doing. We were young criminal minds, only looking for thrills.

Keith dropped out in our junior year of high school. He wanted me to flunk too and live with him, but I was forced to stay by my parents. They couldn’t stop me from sluffing classes to go make out with Keith under our favorite overpass though. We probably fucked there at least three times. Nobody walked around there except a few homeless people, so free porn for them. We were desperate horny teens that couldn’t have sex at my house unless it was empty, which was rare. But eventually, I started sneaking Keith into my bedroom at night.

Every Saturday night, Keith would toss pebbles at my bedroom window at the break of dawn and I would be flabbergasted as he climbed up to my windowsill like a knight in shining armor. He always kissed me passionately, like every kiss we shared could be our last. One night though, we got caught half naked by my dad and that’s when he found out about the tattoo on the nape of my neck with “Keith” scrawled in lovely cursive.

“Why would you… How could you do this to your body?!” My father grabbed my arm, looking at the inspirational quotes and constellations printed on my shoulders.

“It’s my body. I’ll do what I want with it.” I stuck out my tongue and that’s when he found out about my piercing.

“Lance, where did you get that?!” My mama looked horrified.

“Keith’s friend is a tattoo artist and knows how to do piercings. I’m thinking I’ll get a navel piercing next. And a belly button one.” I knew Keith loved kissing my belly, so I thought it would be cool to decorate a little.

My father looked cross, “I let you go too far… First you start wearing black eyeliner and red lipstick like some hoochie, and now you’re getting your body pierced and tattooed to make yourself look like a damn prostitute!”

I’ll admit, I often dressed like a stripper (Keith convinced me over time that I looked hot in skinny jeans and short shorts. Anything that would show off my glorious legs.), but my dad had no right to talk to me that way. This was my life and my body.

“Papi, I like the way I look!”

“Not even your sisters dress like that!”

“Well, I’m not them!” I screamed before standing up from the kitchen table, “I’m not a modest little girl. Hell, I’m not even a girl! I’m a boy! Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I lose any of my masculinity!” I run up to my room. Even though my dad told him to leave, Keith was still sitting on my bed.

After I locked the door, I started packing my stuff in a suitcase quickly.

“What’s up?” Keith asked, handing me clothes.

“I don’t wanna live here anymore.” I zipped the bag shut, “I’m going with you.”

* * *

 

_August 1 st, 2017_

_Keith joins our unit._

Shiro got access to Keith’s clothes and had them dry cleaned before returning them to the convict. Keith had a weird sense of fashion now. Back when we were dating, he always wore black, but now he was taking the emo thing too far. He wore a red dress shirt, everything else was black. A black overcoat, black pants, and black combat boots. He looked more like a bounty hunter rather than a gang banger.

I on the other hand was required to stick by a certain dress code. I wore a dress shirt, blue tie, black or blue blazer, and black pants. A suit that was decent for a detective. The blue tie had to get approved by administration since it was too bright, but I got away with it.

Now Keith was included in our group meetings, describing things we didn’t know about the Galra. I took notes hastily.

“There are four main people to watch out for. The big bosses of the group. There’s Zarkon, the big guy who watches over everything and started the gang. Haggar, the woman who manages the drug trades. Sendak, he’s basically Zarkon’s right hand and security. Then there’s Lotor. He’s just some jackass that thinks he’s tough shit, when really, he’s not. He’s Zarkon’s son, so he still has an upper hand in things.” Keith huffed after sharing.

I had no idea that there was more than just Zarkon in charge. Turns out a group must have multiple leaders to work.

“We have to infiltrate their gang somehow… Throw in an undercover spy.” Hunk suggested.

“We already have one. Thace, remember?” Pidge added.

“We haven’t heard from Thace since the explosion. He’s presumed to be dead.” Shiro said grimly.

“Then we need to have someone else go in on one of their weaker sides.” Hunk said.

“What could possibly be their weakest point?” Pidge shook her head in dismay.  

“Sex trafficking.” Keith said, “It’s least important to them. They have an auction underneath a nightclub where they sell men and women to Galra gang members. Lotor tends to hang around there. If we get him, we get everyone else.”

“So… How should we go about this..?” Hunk scratched his cheek.

“Sneak someone in to be sold.” Keith shrugged.

Pidge looked mortified, “Well I’m not doing it just because I’m a girl!”

“I can’t risk it, I’m the chief here.” Shiro said.

“Don’t think I’m attractive enough to be a prostitute…” Hunk chuckled awkwardly.

“Well I can’t because they think I’m dead!” Keith growled, annoyed with the three for not volunteering.

 Everyone looked at me.

“…Do I have to..?” I cringed.

* * *

 

Wearing my suit uniform now sounded ten times better than usual. Here I was in Hunk’s bathroom, changing into something more ‘suitable’ for a prostitute. Allura did me a great solid in purchasing a bunch of lingerie in my size. I wasn’t going to talk to her for a week. Just a few years ago, I was dressing like a slut every day, now I didn’t even know what slutty was.

I was familiar with the brown foundation I was given, applying it carefully to my old battle scars and tattoos. I held a portable mirror behind my head, using my free hand to rub foundation into Keith’s name on my neck. It was still there after all these years. It didn’t even look withered like some of my other tattoos. I covered it up with makeup and looked at my naked body; It was like I’d never been touched. My skin was completely clear of blemishes and artwork.

I sighed as I put the diamond navel piercing in, along with a matching belly button one. I decided to put my tongue piercing on for good measure. Luckily there were still holes there because I liked putting toothpicks in my tongue and stomach like a weirdo. When I was done with that, I began decorating my face with eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, and a little blush.

Finally, the dreaded part came around. I started slipping on the white lingerie I liked best. The panties cupped the boys nice, a little too nice. The garter belts were too flowery for my taste, but the stockings were cute. I had a challenging time with the bra though, having no idea how to hook together. I should have learned about it from my sisters. As I struggled with the straps, I got a few unwanted guests barging in.

Keith and Hunk gaped at me through the now open door, tints of red brushing over their cheeks.

“Can I help you?” I ask quietly, slipping on my bathrobe. I felt insecure standing so scantily clad in front of the two hottest men I knew.

Hunk closed his mouth and Keith adverted his eyes, “We’re ready to go when you are.” Keith and Hunk were acting as my sellers.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.” I patted down my hair a bit. I looked ridiculously feminine, and I secretly loved it.

I strapped on a pair of white stilettoes, walking out to the car with the two men.

“I didn’t know you could walk in heels.” Hunk said, his throat obviously dry from how dehydrated his voice sounded.

“My sisters would play dress up with me often, so I was practically trained to walk in them.” I chuckled.

Keith knew for a fact that I could walk in heels. He knew a lot about my talents. His favorite one being how I could tie a cherry stem into a knot with my mouth. He liked my tongue much more than my dad did.

We drove in silence, occasionally hearing Shiro or Pidge on the walkie talkie acting as GPS. We turned off our communication devices when we stopped in front of a nightclub. Hunk and Keith put on their jackets, throwing their hoods over their heads. A bag was put over my head and I was handcuffed to a leash, making it seem like I really was a slave. I started walking as Hunk pulled me along. I reminded myself that my phone was tucked in my undies next to my dick in case I needed. It was the only place a little Nokia phone wouldn’t look suspicious. I couldn’t even bring my Iphone because it looked unnaturally big in my underwear.

I could hear dubstep music and saw vague colored lights from inside my flour sac hat. I hoped Keith knew where he was going, but a part of me was a little peeved he knew where this sex trafficking place was. Had he been here before?

After a second, everything became quieter and there were only a few murmurs I could decipher. Suddenly, I was pushed down to my knees.

“Ow, watch it!” I said between gritted teeth, my robe being ripped off me.

“Nice body.” Someone spoke, “Let’s see the face?”

The sack was pulled off my head and I looked up at the person before me. He was a tall man and his expression was hidden by a mask. He pulled me by my hair and examined my complexion, squishing my cheeks and checking my molars. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Hunk’s distressed look, like he wanted to save me. But Keith was holding a fixated glare at me, like I was his property and no one could touch me.

I gulped as I forced to stand up. The man groped my chest and then my tiny love handles. His hands were slimy, like he had touched so many people with them and never washed his hands.

“He’s good.” The man mumbled before handing Keith a wad of cash.

“We’ll be watching the auction…” Hunk said in a deep voice. I watched in fear as the two left me behind. I was tense now that I didn’t have my companions to protect me. What was I supposed to do if this guy’s hands got too excited?

“Come.” He pulled me along to a new room. He made me sit down in a chair as another man came over and wrote the auction number on my wrist. They uncuffed me and tied my hands behind my back with a red ribbon. Then a choker with a dog tag was wrapped around my neck.I waited a few minutes before I was dragged into the last room. They ordered me to stand still until my cue.

After a moment, I heard my auction number being called out and a set of curtains rose around me. I was inside a glass box with a small stage and pole in the center. I felt like an animal at the zoo as the audience wolf whistled and howled with excitement. I searched for Keith’s eyes in the crowd, feeling panicked. When I caught his gaze, I relaxed. When the cue came, I started strutting the stage, presenting myself as I was told.

“You know you want me.” I said, “I want you to want me.” I was pretty sure they couldn’t hear me, but it was something I wanted Keith to know. I wanted him to see what he was missing. After all these years, this is what beauty he left behind. Keith read my lips, but so did Hunk…

“You may send your bids now using the tablet on the sides of your chairs.” The announcer said. There was a bunch of tinging sounds just then, like a hundred people had just bid on me.

I felt dirty, but at this point, I didn’t mind. In fact, I was just getting comfortable. I swung my body around the pole, glaring seductively at Keith. Even if I was staring at one individual, the audience went wild like I had been looking right at them. I was feeling intoxicated from the attention, so I got worse. I pressed my ass up against the glass. Hunk was maroon and Keith just watched, an amused grin spread over his face.

“Want me…” I whispered, “Please somebody want me…” Tears were starting to build up in the corner of my eyes.

All at once, the ringing noises stopped and I fell back to my knees weakly. I was so caught up in a single moment, I had forgotten what was going on and where I was. I was pretending to be sold. I was an undercover cop, not an entertainer for the one I once loved.

I was going into a state of delusion, my vision blurring and hearing fading out. My breathing was hitched and I felt like puking. I was disgusting.

The curtains came down and someone grabbed me by the waist, carrying me out of the box. I didn’t pry away, nor did I want to. I was just a rag doll now, waiting to be thrown out. When I came to my senses, I was being tossed into the back of someone’s Mercedes, ropes being wrapped around my legs and a handkerchief being shoved into my mouth. I began breathing heavily as the trunk closed, feeling unusually sleepy. I passed out, knowing then I had been drugged.  


	4. Undercover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did not like the fact he was attracted to me. He was the head of a criminal group, one willing to perform violent acts to get what he wanted. My body is heavy and I just want to disappear.

_August 5 th, 2010 _

_The day of my awakening._

I was sad, lost in the boughs of depression. I didn’t eat very well, so I got ridiculously thin to a point my ribcage was visible. I didn’t drink enough water, so I always felt parched and dizzy. All I did was lay down in bed and cried until I fell asleep. Every other dream was a nightmare and I’d wake up sobbing for Keith. He used to be right by my side, comforting me through every bad dream.

But he wasn’t here now, and I finally figured out he wouldn’t be coming back.

I laid down on my stomach, sinking my face into the flat surface I called my pillow. A knock sounded at my bedroom door and someone came in.

“Lance…” My father spoke up.

“…” I didn’t respond, just laid there lifelessly like I always did.

“Your mama made you some café con leche. Thought it would make you feel better…”

“Nothing will make me feel better, papi…” I mumble, “My heart is broken…”

“You didn’t need that guy. He was a bad influence.”

My eyes became watery again, “Maybe you are the bad influence. I smoke because of you… I started being bad because I wanted to rebel against you and your strict ways…” I looked over at him angrily, “I hate you!”

I said it without completely thinking through it. He stared at me for a long time before biting his lip and smiling, “Well, it is not the first time I’ve heard that…” He set the tray of breakfast food down on my nightstand, “Sleep well, Lance. Take care of yourself…” He walked out of the room.

My bottom lip quivered and I burst into painful sobs, wishing that I hadn’t said that to my father, whom I loved very much. I only said it out of spite. Maybe because I wanted to have another argument or maybe because I felt like whenever we fought, he would be paying attention to me. I forced myself to drink the coffee and eat the scrambled eggs my mom made, even though I felt extremely nauseous shoving food down my throat. I wanted to obey my father this time. I wanted to make him proud.

Later that night, however, I could never make him proud again.

“H-He’s what?” My mother choked upon hearing what the officers said.

At the time, Shiro was just a young deputy. But he was sent to bring the unwelcome news.

“Your husband… Died in a shootout among the Galra gang…” Shiro held my mom as she cried in his arms. I watched from a few feet away, horrified. My dad… He was gone for good… And some gang member killed him, not sparing him any mercy or thinking about the fact he could have a loving family back at home.

I gritted my teeth, filled with rage and determination. The word Galra stuck with me. I remembered it all throughout my training at the police academy. There was a reason I knew more about the Galra than anyone else. I was going to get revenge for my father’s death by finding them.

* * *

 

_August 1 st, 2017_

_I go undercover_

I groan as I wake up to total darkness, sitting up only to hit my head on the roof of the trunk. I couldn’t believe I was still stuck in the back of the Mercedes. It was hot and stuffy, I felt like I might suffocate if I panicked. I didn’t though, instead, I reached between my legs and pulled out the Nokia. I had several missed calls because I put the phone on silent. I dialed Shiro’s number, setting the cell phone on the floor and pressing the side of my face into it. I had a terrible headache and I was exhausted; How long had we been driving for?

“Lance?” Shiro answered, “Lance, where are you?”

I raised an eyebrow, “You mean you didn’t follow me?” I felt a sense of dread.

“I think Keith and Hunk are, but I’m back at the station with Pidge. Their phones are still off, so I can’t get in contact with them…”

“How long has it been? I got drugged earlier…” I whispered, “I’m in the back of somebody’s trunk…”

“Oh shit…” He sounded concerned, “Are you okay?”

“Well, I’m alive anyway…” I huffed, “As long as I take deep breaths, I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I jolt as the car stops, “Crap, I gotta go. I’ll call you whenever I can.” I hang up and put the phone back in my underwear.

A mysterious looking man opens the trunk, “You’re awake.”

“Indeed I am.” I look at him, “Mind untying me?”

“Not right now, pretty boy.” He picked me up, hoisting me over his shoulder.

“Yo, easy on the merchandise.” I grunted. He carries me into a large mansion. I’m easily impressed by things like angelic fountains in entryways and golden staircases. Who the hell lived here?

I let out a squeak when I’m tossed into a bedroom. I scramble to sit up straight. I wish I had a gun on me, but that didn’t fit well next to my dick. I gasp as the man cuts my ropes and ribbons off.

“Lotor will be awaiting your presence.” He said, “Get changed into something more modest.” He walked out.

Looking through the closet, I couldn’t tell what would be considered modest. The wardrobe consisted of skanky looking clothes and lingerie. This is the kind of stuff I would wear as a teenager for sure. I decide to start easy, going to the bathroom to redo my makeup. I dial Hunk’s cell as I strip of my ‘immodest’ clothes.

He answers quickly and I’m surprised, “Lance, thank god you’re okay!”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I keep my voice low in case someone’s listening. I look around to make sure there’s no cameras anywhere, “Where are you?”

“We’re just outside the house.” He said, “If anything goes wrong, you have me on speed dial. We’ll break in.”

“Keith is still with you?”

“Yeah, he’s still here…”

“…Okay, well, I’ll talk to you later. Guess I’m meeting Lotor soon.” I hang up, tucking the phone back in my undies. I put on a pair of spandex shorts and a blue crop top. God did I look like a teen again… I only disliked it a little…

I peek out the bedroom door and walk down the hall. I’m wearing a pair of baby blue heels this time, the straps make my ankles look appealing. I examine the walls curiously; Family portraits decorate this place. It seems more like a castle rather than a mobster’s home.

The same big guy from last time gestures me to enter a set of wooden doors. I stretch before going through them.

“Thank you, Sendak.” The man sitting in a throne of a loveseat says. He has long white hair and eerie yellow eyes. He points to the seat in front of him and I sit obediently.

“Hello, I am your new master, Lotor.” He says simply, “What might I call you?”

“You’re surprisingly polite for a person that wants to be called ‘master’.” I snort, “My name’s… Katie.” I deadpan. I just used Pidge’s real name for my alias. I didn’t want this guy knowing my real identity.

“Katie. Lovely.” He crosses his legs and folds his arms over them, “I saw you at the auction. My associate was live streaming the whole thing to me.” He grinned, “Your movements are so fluid and intentional… Your body… So incredibly beautiful…” He was eyeing me like he could see under my clothes. I felt uncomfortable, shifting nervously in my chair.

“Don’t be shy, my dear.” He moved to sit back, “Why don’t you give me a show like you were giving for that audience earlier?”

I gulped; This was different from earlier. There was no Keith watching me and no Hunk drooling over me. I stood up shakily, finding the hem of my shirt. I couldn’t risk taking off my pants, the phone might fall out. I take it off slowly, being sure to stick my belly out so he could better see my piercings. I felt so out of place with just one stranger staring at me.

“Want me… To dance?” I asked slowly.

“Perhaps a lap dance?” Lotor suggested. I closed my eyes.

I told myself to imagine it was Keith. It was just like the old days when I would give him a lap dance for his birthday on the bed in his motel room. I sigh as I start swaying my hips, walking closer to Lotor. I turn around, pulling my shorts down just a little bit so he could get a glimpse of my white thong. He groaned, obviously impressed. I placed myself into his lap, grinding against him slightly. I was going to need a scolding hot shower after this.

Suddenly, he gripped my waist and pushed me down onto his newfound hardness. I shudder, not because it feels good, but because it feels awful. It feels gross. I don’t even know this man. I’m a detective, not a fucking stripper.

“Lotor.” Sendak interrupts us and I am more than eager to jump off Lotor’s lap.

“What the hell is it?!” The boy hisses, covering his boner with a throw pillow.

“Zarkon wants to meet the newbie.”

“Doesn’t he have enough bitches in his harem?!”

“Boss’s orders.” He gestured to me again and I didn’t hesitate to go to him. As the door closes, I can see the menacing glare on Lotor’s face.

“Who am I seeing?” I asked.

“Zarkon. He’s our leader.” Sendak started guiding me deeper down the hall.

I stop though, “Where’s the bathroom?” I ask quickly.

Sendak directs me to the nearest restroom. I go in and lock the door for good measure, hiding in the bathtub to avoid being heard. I dial Keith’s number.

“Lance, what’s going on?” He answers.

“I’m going to meet with Zarkon. I’ve already had my encounter with Lotor.”

“What did he do?”

I’m silent for a moment before sighing shakily, “I don’t wanna talk about it… Look, I’m going in. What should I do.”

“Keep your phone on the line. I wanna hear everything.”

I huffed awkwardly, “Okay, hope you don’t mind hearing from my panties…” I put the phone between my thighs, “Can you hear me now?”

The muffled yes was good enough for me, “Put your phone on mute.” I got out of the tub and opened the door, “Thanks for the potty break, Sendak.”

“Get your ass moving.” He growled, obviously not one for small talk. We continued down the hall, not saying a word to each other. We walk through a smaller door. I’m shocked when I see a large man sitting at a long desk. His detailed suit gave me all the information I needed to know; Don’t fuck with this guy.

I stand in front of him, cursing under my breath because I left my shirt behind.

He hummed and spun his finger. I turned all the way around slowly so he could get a good look at all my parts. Being examined by Lotor was creepy, but this was terrifying.

“For a man, you certainly are beautiful… I’ve never been attracted to a male until I got a glimpse of you.” He said in a dark voice.

I did not like the fact he was attracted to me. He was the head of a criminal group, one willing to perform violent acts to get what he wanted. My body is heavy and I just want to disappear.

“You’ll make a nice pet… I’ll buy you from my spoiled brat of a son.” He said simply, leaning back in his chair.

I put my hands to my sides, trying not to tremble. I needed backup so bad right now. I couldn’t do undercover work, not like this. I flinched when he stood up, squeezing my eyes shut as he walked around me, petting my hair. His hands were cold, I couldn’t stand it.

“How would you feel if I just decided to fuck you on this desk, right here, right now?” He asked in a deep mighty voice.

My eyes widened in fear, “H-help…” I whispered inaudibly.

Everything went by within seconds. Zarkon was throwing me across the room, using me as a shield. The windows shattered right in front of me and I screeched in pain as the shards crashed into my skin. There was blood everywhere, bullets being fired from a million different angles. Sendak ran in only to be shot directly in the head. Zarkon was dead on the floor, eyes open and glazed over. I stared in horror at the scene before I was shot in the shoulder. I fell to the ground, crying. The last thing I remember was being picked up and carried away.

“Keith…” I whispered before going unconscious.


	5. Conscious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to see one of them… I needed comfort from my recent scare… Even though the leader of the gang I hated was dead… It was still awful to watch someone die…
> 
> The way his eyes looked… I would never be able to forget that image…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the end notes. Heh.

_Date Unknown, Consciousness Unknown._

It was a quiet day. No one was around. Sunday afternoons were always silent since everyone was inside their homes preparing for a dreadful Monday morning. I was alone, sitting in the field of my old high school. The building had been abandoned a few years after I graduated. It was just too dated and nobody wanted to fix up the old place.

I plucked a dandelion from the ground, blowing the white specks away. They flew away in the air, trailing along together for a moment before separating as the wind changed direction. There were three that fell back to the grass, and suddenly there were three familiar men standing before me.

 _“Come to us, Lance.”_ They all chanted softly, voices were soothing. I stood up.

Hunk was to my left, _“Lance, come with me! I’ll take care of you! I may not know the real you, but I’m satisfied with the person you’ve become and that’s enough for me.”_ He reached out for my hand, but I didn’t take it. Instead, I looked to the person in front of me.

 _“Come on, Lance.”_ Keith smirked, _“You know you wanna relive your glory days with me. You crave the days you could be free…”_ He placed a hand on my chest, _“I know the real you… I know the bad side, the good side… I know everything…”_ He whispered. I backed away from him nervously, heart racing.

 _“Or…”_ Lotor was on my right, _“You could become my pathetic little pet… You wouldn’t have to worry about the outside world anymore. You would be submerged in pleasure. Forget about the past and the future. Just become my slave for the rest of your life. No one will judge you anymore because you’ll just be a dirty little rag doll”_

I covered my ears as they started talking all at once, their voices getting louder than before.

 _“I-I don’t know!”_ I screamed, _“I don’t know what I want!”_

 _“Lance.”_ I turned around.

 _“Papi?”_ I stared in shock.

 _“.... Who do you love?”_ He asked quietly.

* * *

 

I gasp awake, cold sweat all over me. I’m in an unfamiliar room with unfamiliar people.

One of them offers me a glass of water and I don’t hesitate to gulp it down.

“W-where am I?” I asked, catching my breath finally.

“Lance.” I looked at the foot of my bed.

“Oh my god, Thace! You’re alive!” I smiled in relief; Another police funeral aborted.

“Lance, how did you get in that house?” He asked, coming to sit at my side.

“We thought you were dead, so they sent me in undercover at an auction… Lotor bought me.” I sighed. I looked down at my arms, noticing cuts from the glass. My shoulder was sore from the bullet wound, but it looked like it was already fixed up for me.

“I couldn’t get in contact with anyone after the explosion… Too risky.” He looked to the side, “I’m sorry, Lance. Had I known you were in that house, I wouldn’t have called a raid on it…”

“Well, you killed Zarkon and Sendak…” I shrugged with my one good shoulder.

“I managed to get a collective of rebels from the Galra. They wanted Zarkon dead just as much as we did…”

“…Do you know where Hunk and Keith are?” I asked, suddenly growing tense at the memory of my dream.

“We have them with us now… We found them when I got you out of that house…”

I sat up and started getting out of the bed, “Take me to them.”

“No.” He pushed me back down forcefully, “Stay. Rest. You’re injured… Now is the time to take a break.”

I glared at him before letting out a woeful sigh, “Fine… But… Let them know they can come visit me at any time…” I wanted to see one of them… I needed comfort from my recent scare… Even though the leader of the gang I hated was dead… It was still awful to watch someone die…

The way his eyes looked… I would never be able to forget that image…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I really need your help. Please do me a huge favor and decide which person you want Lance to be romantically involved with (Because personally I can't decide AT ALL and I don't care who he ends up with). I'll wait a few days in order to get a bit of votes in. Please comment who you want Lance to be with because it will affect the story DRASTICALLY depending on who you pick (I already have ideas for what could happen depending on who he ends up with--) 
> 
> Here's your choices:  
> Keith  
> Hunk  
> Keith and Hunk..?  
> Lotor  
> Thace (Put that random one in, lol--)  
> Shiro (There is always potential, okay?)  
> Sendak (If you pick this one, I will literally die...)  
> Or the alternate choice: No one. 
> 
> Please leave a comment, thanks so much! :'D


	6. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My heart hurts…” He mumbled.
> 
> “Mine too…” I clutched his hand, sniffling, “M-Mine too…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The votes came in and I was kind of surprised because I totally thought the outcome would be more mixed, but it was unanimous. XD
> 
> If you haven't yet, please check out the new series I started called "Save Me From Myself: Bonus/Alternate Ending Chapters". There's a one shot in there for ya'll called "Saving You: Keith's Story" that I'm sure you'll enjoy. :D 
> 
> This chapter is total smut. I may have to change the rating...

_April 1 st, 2009_

_The day it rained_

“Come on Keith, come on!” I forced Keith outside, making him ditch class, even though it was raining cats and dogs.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! It’s a goddamn rainstorm! Do you want us to get sick?!”

“I don’t care if we do!” I jumped in a puddle, “It’s so cool!” I had only been out for a few seconds and was already soaked. I wore my favorite jacket and my casual shoes. Keith was wearing his usual jacket and boots that were a little more durable in harsh weather.

I laughed, lifting my head and sticking my tongue out to capture water droplets into my mouth. Rain tasted good. Smelled good. Everything about rain I loved so much. Especially when it was all over my boyfriend’s face, making him look sexy as fuck.

“You look beautiful in the rain.” I told him, “The clouds match your eyes…”

“Do they?” He looked down and I took his hand.

“Yes. You are gorgeous in this storm… I’m so glad I’m in love with you…” I was only pumping him up so he’d kiss me and I’d have that romantic kissing in the rain dream scene. And he did and that was by far my favorite time our lips touched.

* * *

 

_August 2 nd, 2017_

_Recovering_

Who knew it’d rain in summer? I sure didn’t. The heavy pitter patter woke me from my nap. I was lucky because the room I settled in had a large window close to my bed. I sat up and faced the window, drawing back the long, velvety curtains. I loved rainstorms more than anything else in the world. It was like the earth was letting itself cry after a long day…

I wasn’t like rain. I didn’t cry nearly as much as I need to… I watched lightning bolts scatter behind mountains as thunder boomed in the distance like a drum being hammered on. I rested my hand against the window, watching condensation gather around my palm. It was warmer than I expected. As the trees swayed unstably in the wind, they clattered to the ground. I squeaked when the power went out and the room was partially dark.

I sighed and closed the curtains when there was a knock at my door, “Yeah?”

Keith entered holding a candle lantern, “Hey, are you okay?”

“…” I didn’t really want to answer, but I turned to him anyway, “I guess…”

“You guess?” He snorted, setting the lantern on the nightstand sitting at the end of my bed, “You just survived a shootout, that must’ve been really intense.”

Zarkon’s dead eyes returned to my memory, “I-It was…” I let out an uneasy breath.

He frowned, “I’m sorry… I should’ve got you out sooner… But I was too concentrated on what Zarkon was saying… When the bullets started flying, I panicked and actually… Ran in after you…” He gulped, “I carried you out and… I heard you call my name…”

I blushed, “Oh shit… You… Heard that..?” I started to get anxious, “W-Well I kinda tend to like, say names or whatever when I go unconscious…”

“Yeah but… It was my name…” He looked me in the eyes, searching my soul like he used to, “Do you… Still have feelings for… Me?”

My brain was screaming ‘Danger! Danger! Red alert! Red alert!’. I started tinkering with the plastic blue ring on my finger, “Feelings? For you? Well gee…” I furrowed my eyebrows angrily, “It’s not like you used me as your fall guy or anything like that. Or do you not even remember? Hell, you keep dodging it. Touchy topic for you too?”

He blinked a few times before looking down, shame in his expression, “Lance I… I didn’t want to do that to you…”

“Then, why did you?” I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore, “Why did you leave me back there, huh? After everything I gave you? I gave you my heart, body… I even branded myself with your name!” I gritted my teeth, “I’ve been trying so fucking hard to forget you and move on! But…” I could feel the water works coming on, “Fuck, I can’t forget any of that… Even the insignificant things… The little kisses and your eyelashes batting against my cheek… Feeling every part of you… It’s stuck. Everything is stuck…” I adverted my furious gaze from him.

“…You thought I… You thought I forgot?” Keith spoke up after a long moment of silence, “I memorized that shit. I still know where all of your sweet spots are!” He suddenly pounced on me, holding me down by my wrists, “Every plateau…” I gasped as his hand moved under my shirt and toward my navel, “Every mountain…” My breathing hitched as it traveled up my chest, “Every little itty-bitty thing… I never EVER could forget!”

I was panting, feeling that aggressive arousal. Keith was so dominating, so possessive… I missed that… My hand dropped to the side of the bed and the ring slipped off. I continued breathing heavily as his tears hit my face.

“My heart hurts…” He mumbled.

“Mine too…” I clutched his hand, sniffling, “M-Mine too…”

He stared at me before lowering his eyes, choking on a cry, “I still love you…”

I forgot how to breathe for a second, “I still love you too…” I whispered.

My mind went blank; My self-control was gone. Our lips connected with familiar warmth, it was like pressing the reset button. Our slippery tongues fought for dominance between moans and I gave in. I gave in to everything. This was all I ever wanted, and I needed it more than anything in this world. In fact, Keith was my world. My universe. No matter how much I wished it wasn’t true…

I yanked Keith’s hair as he pulled off my pajama shirt. He let me take off his without hesitation. We knew what we were doing, we’d done it so many times before.

“Keith, dammit…” I groaned as he started sucking my neck.

“It’s still there? After all these years?” He touched the back of my neck, tracing the cursive perfectly with his fingers.

“Yes... It’ll always be there…” I whispered in response, feeling myself growing weaker and weaker with every bruising bite.

“Let’s keep it that way…” He pushed me down again.

“K-Keith…” I huffed, my pants becoming far too constricting.

“I’ll always be there from now on…” He said sincerely and I couldn’t help but believe him as he chanted my name, kissing along my body once more. It felt so nostalgic, like he’d never been gone in the first place.

He let me sit up and I made him lay down. He placed his hands on my waist, rubbing along my hips and rutting into my crotch as I sat on his thighs, “That night at the auction…” I leaned down, licking his nipples, “Everything I did was for you…”

He growled, “I know it was… Fuck… I wanted to take you away from them… I had to stop myself from making a bid…” He tensed up more as I planted hickies along his pectorals.  

“You should have…” I could feel his hardness against my ass, “I would have been yours…” I bit the sensitive nub and he hissed. I knew it annoyed him, but I wanted to punish him in a way.

“Lance, let me have a turn…” He groaned and I stopped. I wanted to feel his hands all over me. I wanted him to take me apart and put me together again like he did before. His hands worked wonders and I wanted his magic powers to fix me.

I stayed sitting up, but he didn’t mind. He let me straddle him. I took my cue when he pressed his fingers to my mouth and I started sucking them, not hesitating to deep throat all four.

“Good boy…” He whispered in my ear, causing me to shudder. I got as much saliva as I could on both sets of fingers before he ripped my pants and underwear off. I sighed in relief only to moan loudly as he stimulated me. The fingers on his right hands were already moving inside of me, while the other hand jerked me off. I drooled onto Keith’s shoulder, licking his skin; I felt ridiculously needy.

“Shh, I don’t want anyone hearing you but me.” He said when I started getting loud. I sunk my teeth into his neck to hide my moans.

“You’ve been neglected for so long…” He sighed, “Your hole is so tight…”

“Work and stuff, been busy…” I laughed shakily only for him to curl his fingers into my prostate, “Y-You really didn’t f-forget…”

“How could I? You were always too good to be true…” He moved down his own pants and my hips started stuttering immediately.

“Hah… Hah…” I was shivering at the friction of our cocks grinding. I could tell he loved it too because he was moaning in a higher pitch.

“I-I’m gonna come if you don’t stop!” I finally yelled, fear in my voice. I didn’t want it to end like this. I wanted him inside me.

“Okay, I’ll stop…” He pulled his fingers away from me all at once. I whined at the loss of his touch.

“Fuck Keith, you’re still a tease to this day!” I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs; Our first time in years and he was pushing me around.

“I don’t have lube…” He pointed to his hard dick.

I rolled my eyes, “I bet you just missed my mouth…” I forced him back down, “I wanna do it in your lap though, don’t forget that.” I grunted as I licked the tip painfully slow.

“Goddammit… Lance…” He heaved as I sucked.

“Patience, this is only revenge.” I sneered, returning to his cock. I needed to get this thing real wet if I didn’t want it to hurt. There had to be an alternative that was just as slippery…

I pulled back after a moment, “Oh yeah, there’s lotion in the bathroom.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Keith was just getting excited from this blow job.

“Go get it, fucker.” I winked and he ran for the bathroom. I licked my fingers before sticking them back in my ass, trying to loosen myself up some more. I groaned at the fourth digit and screeched as another two went in. Keith was really pushing me to my limits as he moved in his own fingers covered in lotion.

“K-Keith, I-I can’t-!” I choked.

“Right, sorry… I wanted to mess with you more…” We both pulled out at the same time, Keith giving me a minute to catch my breath.

“You’re way too eager…” I straddled him once he was on the bed.

“You’re one to talk…” He watched seriously as I twisted the cap off the bottle and poured lotion all over my hands. I moved my hands on Keith’s length, sure to slick him down nice.

“Are you sure it’ll be alright for you? Is it safe?” He asked, concerned.

I gave him a peck on the lips, “I’ll be fine…” It didn’t burn at all, so I was pretty sure everything would be okay.

I stopped what I was doing, wrapping my arms around him as I maneuvered my entrance over his cock. I lowered down once I felt the tip, letting out a brutal moan as he went in. The tears building up in the corners of my eyes were wiped away with caring thumbs. My mouth was gaping open as I felt the stretch of my hole.    

“Relax…” He assured me, “Move when you’re ready and I’ll move with you… We’ll do this together…”

I moved my arms around his back as he groped my ass cheeks, pulling them apart even more. I yelped, clawing into his shoulder blades. I trembled, pressing my forehead to his as I raised my ass, letting it fall back down when he was out. I gasped, moaning loudly. He kissed my wet lips with his dry ones and I smiled softly. Our sweet moment got ever so sweeter as he thrust up into me, hitting my great bundle of nerves. We groaned together as we moved at the same pace, being gentle, yet so powerful. The squelching sounds, bed rocking, and sweat only soothed me and I was all his within minutes. The ambiance I craved for years was finally making a comeback.

I found myself calling his name a million times even though he was right in front of me, holding me tightly as if he wasn’t going to let go ever again like he promised. My back arched at my climax and my head fell back as I screamed out in ecstasy, coming hard against our abdomens. He let out a blissful moan too, coming into me. I flinched as he filled me up, my ass overflowing with liquid heat.

“O-oh god…” I panted into his Adam’s apple which was moving rapidly as he panted too.

“It was good…”

“Yeah…”  

He pulled out and we cleaned up as much as we could before we laid down side by side, staring into each other’s eyes as the thunder started sounding once more.

We had no idea what was happening, but we knew exactly how we felt. And to me, that’s all that really mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. I'm gonna change the rating. Hope you enjoyed. I suck at writing smut. It's 4am. Bye. XD


	7. Chasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What? Save me from myself?” I scoffed, “Nobody can do that. No matter how hard you try. There’s too much broken, you wouldn’t even know what to fix first.”

_September 1 st ,2010 _

_The day I met Hunk_

The beginning of September was always difficult for me to come to terms with after Keith left. I was never going to meet him for the first time ever again. He would be a distant memory for the rest of my life. I started police training right after my father’s funeral, which was kind of a bad idea. I had my fair share of mental breakdowns in my first year at the academy. Not only was my heart throbbing in my chest for Keith, but I missed my daddy and I wanted to take back all the things I said to him before he died.

I used to hide in the men’s room, locking myself up in a stall and then letting myself have a panic attack. Sometimes I’d cry, sometimes I wouldn’t. But on this day, I was a sobbing mess. That is, until someone knocked lightly on the door.

“O-Occupied…” I choked out, gulping down air.

“Hey man, you need anything..? Like, tissues or something?” A gentle voice asked me.

I started laughing through my tears, “You’re not gonna tease me for crying in the bathroom?”

“Nah, it’s cool. Sometimes you just need a place to cry. And that place can sometimes be a bathroom.”

“I-I mean, I guess. I just didn’t want to cry in front of my roommate.” I opened the door slowly, wiping the wetness from my face, “Lance. Lance Mcclain. I’m usually more enthusiastic than this. But today is a difficult day…”

“Hunk. Not a problem.” He shook my hand heartily, “I’ll help you get through this so you don’t have to cry on the toilet anymore.”

* * *

 

_August 3 rd, 2017 _

_A New Mission_

Waking up next to Keith again was a luxury. His relaxed body and rhythmic breathing splayed before me was simply irresistible. All the muscles I once knew were much bigger now and covered in scars and stretchmarks. He was like a marble god made by the greatest Greek sculptor; Straight out of Athens. I pulled the blanket over him a bit more. I could stare at him all day, but that would be weird.

There was a knock at my door and I quickly scrambled to put on a pair of pants, going commando for the time being. I opened it slightly, “Hunk?”

“Hey buddy.” The large man gave me his warm smile, “I made you breakfast.” He held up a tray topped with scrumptious looking food, “Can I come in?”

“Aw, Hunk, you’re so…” I stopped when I remembered who was in my bed, “Hold up, let’s not eat here. My room’s a catastrophe…” I slipped through the crack and closed the door, “Is there a kitchen we can dine in?”

“Yeah, I was just there a second ago.” He moved along and I followed him, “I found a really good recipe for café con leche. I know it’s one of your favorites…”

I grinned, “Yeah, my mama used to make it for me all the time!” I could sense my soreness a little more as we walked down the stairs.

We were quiet the rest of the way, which was… Odd… Hunk was usually very talkative in the morning, but not today apparently. We eventually made it to the kitchen and he set the tray down on the table. My first instinct was to go for the coffee. I really loved a good cup of Joe in the morning. Really soothes the soul.

“Lance… I wanna talk to you about something…” He sounded serious, but I didn’t pay any mind to it.

“What’s up, dude?” I sipped my drink casually.

“Lance, I think… I think I like you as more than a friend…” He gulped and I nearly choked on my hot beverage.

I stared at him before frowning. How come I didn’t see this coming? I knew he wouldn’t be able to hold it in for much longer, and I KNEW he liked me a lot more than he was letting on. But… I was with Keith now, so I wasn’t sure what to do. How the hell was I supposed to break it to him?

“…Say something..?” Hunk asked sheepishly, “I know it’s a bit sudden…”

“Well it wasn’t really… I kind of… Knew…” I adverted my gaze.

“Was it really that obvious?” He chuckled, “I’m so bad at this whole love thing, you know? Lance… I’ve never felt this way about anyone before…”

I swallowed hard on my saliva, “Hunk… I’m not the person you think I am… I’m not just a charming cool guy, and sometimes, I’m not good… If you knew the me from before, you wouldn’t even be talking to me right now.”

“…You’re trying to push me away.”

“N-no..!” I couldn’t lie to him anymore, “Yes…”

“Why?”

“Because… I just…” My toes started curling into the floor, trying to grab onto something. I didn’t want to tell him…

“Lance, please.” His eyes wavered, “Tell me.”

I closed my eyes, “Hunk, I tried… I tried so hard to like you back… To love you… I wanted to fall for you so fucking bad, but… I just couldn’t do it…” I could feel my eyes watering as they opened, “I wish I could! I want to love you as more than just my best friend in the whole wide world, but I can’t bring myself to do it because… I-I still love Keith…”

His eyes widened and then he looked down at the tabletop, “…I… I’m sorry…”

“Hunk, please, don’t be sorry for anything! It’s not your fault!” I felt guilt swelling up in my heart at his disappointed expression. I suddenly grabbed his face and kissed him hard on the lips.

We pulled back almost immediately and he stared at me in disbelief before his look became… Hurt.

“Lance, what… What are you doing?” He didn’t let me answer as he ran off.

My hand that once held his cheek trembled. I grasped my chest. It was hard to breathe. What was wrong with me? I was a terrible friend and an awful son. Everyone I wanted to keep in my life always ran away…

“Lance.” A voice came from the hallway and I looked over at Keith.

“I-I wanted to show him that there wasn’t much to like.” I sniffled as the tears came rushing down past my cheeks toward my empty cup, “I think I broke his heart…”

“You broke your own.” He sat down next to me and took my hand, holding it tightly, “It’s okay, I’ll talk to him…”

“What’s talking to him gonna do, huh?” I sobbed, “I can’t save him… I can’t even save myself, fuck…”

“…I can do that…”

“What? Save me from myself?” I scoffed, “Nobody can do that. No matter how hard you try. There’s too much broken, you wouldn’t even know what to fix first.”

“Then heal. Let me heal you. It’ll take time, but dull wounds get better soon…”

* * *

 

“We have come up with a new plan of attack.” Shiro announced as we all sat around in the living room. Apparently, this was Thace’s house.

“Please tell me I don’t have to dress like a stripper again…” I huffed.

“No, this is much different.” Thace said, “We managed to get rid of Zarkon and Sendak, but they had other big guns around just in case something like this happened. There’s still Haggar and Lotor… If we take down Lotor, then Haggar will have no choice but to give up eventually. If not, we’ll get her too.”

“So, what’s the plan?” Pidge asked.

“Well, Lotor is very public about his position in the gang… The police in his area leave him be because he provides them with funds, prostitutes, and drugs…” Thace cleared his throat, “He throws a masquerade ball every year in August… So, as you all can assume, we’re going to sneak into the party…”

“Typical of a rich asshole to have a masquerade ball…” I mumbled.

* * *

 

I was given modest clothing this time to my relief. It was a black suit with a blue rose boutonniere. I struggled with the tie before Keith wrapped his arms around me and tied it perfectly.

“I didn’t know you could tie a tie.” I snorted.

“Well, I know a lot of knots, as you know very well…” Keith was once a boy scout and he used that knot badge to his advantage and my pleasure.

“Ah yeah, the fond memories of me being tied up to your headboard.” I giggled quietly, putting my mask on. It was blue on one side and silver on the other. Keith’s suit was the same as mine only with a red rose and an ashy red mask.

“Are you sure about going? What if you’re recognized?”

“There will be a lot of people at that party.” He tied his hair back in a ponytail for good measure, “I doubt anyone even knows that I ‘died’.”

“Yeah, but what if Haggar is there?”

“I doubt she will be. She tends to stay away from large gatherings…”

“Okay, if you say so…” I offered my hand to him and he took it willingly. We walked out of my room and headed downstairs to meet with everyone else. Hunk and Pidge were staying behind. The goal was to get Lotor in a quiet corner and attempt to kill him. Shiro was against this, however, because he wanted to take him in for questioning.

So, it was just Thace, Shiro, Keith and I in the car on our way to a potentially deadly party. We made it within minutes. I gulped at the sight of the familiar place, not liking the shattered window on the fifth floor. That was where the shootout took place…

Keith placed a hand on my back, rubbing soothing motions there, “Relax, we’re not going up there.” He assured me. I nodded as the four of us went in.

The house was much brighter than before. The ballroom full of people was breathing life into the building in such a remarkable way. The walls looked like they were made of gold and the flooring was nothing less than extravagant. I could see my reflection in its pearliness. Overall, my original impression of the mansion had been degraded completely.

We were let into the party without being asked to identify ourselves. Lotor really was stupid.

“Alright everyone, let’s split up. Try looking for security cameras. We need those out if we want to get out of here without being caught.” Shiro whispered before him and Thace parted ways. I looked to Keith and it turned out we were thinking the same thing: We weren’t separating.

“May I have this dance?” I bowed to him.

“Sure.” He snickered and we headed out to the dance floor. A long time ago, Keith and I took a dance class together. I was glad he still remembered how to waltz.

“See anything?” I asked.

“I’m not finding any cameras…” He pulled me closer to himself. I could feel his breath against my pulse.

“Your breath… Is hot…” I muttered lowly, “And it smells like…” I inhaled deeply, “Whiskey…”

“You know it’s my favorite.” He smirked.

“Yeah, aside from beer. And weed. Lots of weed…” Now I knew where Keith was getting those drugs from. He was the cartel, all he had to do was take from his own inventory if he wanted a joint.

“Lance.” He nodded his head upward and I noticed the camera in the corner.

“Bingo…” I grinned, “How do you suppose we take it out?”

“Find out where security is and disable all the cameras at once.” Keith suggested.

I thought for a moment before lowering my eyes, “You just wanna be alone with me, don’t you?”

He rolled his eyes before dragging me away. We walked down the hallway slowly. I recognized the freaky paintings along the walls. We stopped in front of a door labeled ‘Security’. Keith jiggled the knob.

“Locked.” He huffed.

“Of course, it’s locked, it’s a goddamn security area…” I hummed momentarily before looking back at Keith, “I’ll go get a bobby pin…”

“Sweet.” He waved me off, wandering away on his own, “I’ll find Shiro.”

I went back into the ballroom and looked around for women with their hair pinned up. I noticed a person with a long mane of white hair, bangs pulled back with pins, “Excuse me.” I tapped their shoulder only for my stomach to a complete backflip.

“Hello, beautiful.” Lotor kissed my hand. That sick feeling rising in me again.

“Uh… Hi…” I gulped, “I was wondering if… You wanted to dance..?” I shrugged. I wasn’t sure if he recognized me or not.

“Certainly. Anything for a stunning flower such as yourself.” He led me to the center of the floor. Every couple spread out just for us. I felt antsy.

We positioned our hands and started swaying slowly. I hated this.

“What is your name, darling?” He asked softly, petting my cheek.

“Um it’s…” I looked over, finding my boyfriend’s eyes, “Keith…”

“Keith? Interesting name… I once had an associate named Keith…”

I started sweating, “S-small world, ain’t it?” I laughed shakily. Keith was watching us closely, making sure Lotor didn’t make a wrong move. I tried to reach my hand up to grab the pink in his hair, but he kept looking at me at the wrong time.

“You look familiar… Have we met?”

“I-I don’t think so…” I trembled lightly as he moved his fingers through my hair.

“You’re right… I’d never forget such a precious face…” He scowled, suddenly yanking my hair back and putting a long pocket knife to my neck, “Katie, is it? Or is it really… Detective Lance Mcclain?”

My eyes widened in shock and fear. Everybody was too busy partying it up they didn’t even notice the man about to slit my fucking throat. My heart was pounding as I kicked Lotor in the shin and escaping his grasp.

“GUARDS! GET HIM!” The mobster called out and I grabbed Keith’s hand before bolting out.

“We need a quick ride!” I yelled as we ran outside.

“Here!” He pushed some guy off a black bullet bike and hopped on, pulling me up behind him. We sped off instantly only to be followed by Lotor’s goons.

“Shit!” I gritted my teeth before pulling out my gun, one arm still wrapped around Keith.

“Lance, what are you doing?!”

“Just trust me and keep driving!” I screamed before aiming my gun at the nearest windshield. It cracked right in the center and the car steered off the side of the road, “Can’t this thing go any faster?!”

“No! It’s just a tiny motorcycle with two people on it!” Keith pulled out his own gun and shot at a vehicle on the side of us. I managed to shoot the driver, injuring him. The car nearly rammed into us until Keith sped up and veered around it.

There were still other cars around us and I was running low on ammo, “Keith! We need a new tactic!”

“What do you suggest we do?!”

I looked around, trying to find something, but all I could see was a large body of water, “The lake! Pull up at the dock!”

He nodded before maneuvering through oncoming traffic. I held tightly with both arms now, afraid that I might fall. The dock finally came into view and we drove over the bumpy wooden boards. Keith steered the bike to an angle, stopping it with his foot. The gangsters had caught up with us and we dodged the bullets by hiding behind the motorcycle. Keith leaned over a few times, shooting whatever was left of his gun at them from the side. I tried to remain calm, plotting something else.

We stopped when we heard the loud roar of an engine coming toward us, “SHIT THEY’RE GONNA RUN US OVER!” Keith screeched.

I turned my attention to the lake before forcing him up, “JUMP!” We dove into the water together, swimming away quickly before the car crashed and exploded next to us. I puffed out my cheeks, holding my breath. I checked Keith and my eyes widened when I noticed blood seeping from his arm. I was a pretty good swimmer, so I managed to tug him out of the water to another end of the lake where there were no gangsters. I pulled him onto the dry land and ripped off my tie.

“Why didn’t you tell me you got shot?!” I wrapped the fabric around his wound as best as I could, applying pressure to stop the bleeding.

“I got it just as we were jumping in.” He huffed, “Dammit, it hurts!”

“Well, we can’t go to the emergency room yet. They’ll be expecting us there.” I removed a sopping wet phone from my pocket. There was water in the screen, “Well, my phone’s waterlogged. I can’t call Shiro or Thace…”

“Mine too…” He mumbled, looking at his own dead phone.

I let out a prolonged, “Let’s just find a first aid kit and a hotel…”


	8. Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After smoking my cigarette down to the butt, I dropped it into the ashtray and went back inside. I filled the bucket up with ice and walked back to the room, opening it quickly. I dropped the ice pail and immediately panicked when I didn't see Keith in his spot on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains smut. Also, bottom Keith for a change. XD

_August 8 th, 2010_

_My father’s funeral_

We didn’t have a body to bury. The building he died in burned to the ground. All we could get was some ash to put in an urn. My mother sobbed throughout the service, handing me piece after piece of crumpled up tissues. All my siblings were there with their kids. I wished the children didn’t have to see this, they were far too young. And they had no idea their grandpa’s remains were not in that vase.

We didn’t know who killed him. No one was there when it happened, not even Shiro who was speaking on behalf of my mother.

“He was a great man… He called me his apprentice once or twice and it made me feel… Important. Even if I was still just a rookie officer, he took me under his wing and taught me everything I know.” He said. I felt jealousy boiling in my blood; I wished my dad had done the same for me.

After Shiro stopped talking, my sister nudged me. Everyone wanted me to say something, but I had no idea what to start with… I cleared my throat and went up to the microphone on the podium.

“Tomorrow I will be starting my police training… I may never be as good as my father… But I wanna make him proud for once…” Was all I could say before I stepped down.

No words could describe how I felt. And I didn’t want them to know anyway. From that point on, my feelings and thoughts would be locked away.

* * *

 

_August 4 th, 2017_

_Going into hiding_

I was feeling particularly antsy in this hotel room. I successfully inhaled almost four cigarettes and Keith was dying of asphyxiation.

“Lance, stop smoking already. It smells awful in here and we’ll get an upcharge on the bill if the hotel managers get a whiff. This is a non-smoking room.” He was sewing himself up. I would have done it, but my anxiety causes me to be queasy around blood.

“Sorry, I can’t help it…” I tossed the cigarette into the sink, washing it down.

“Fucking hell, you’re gonna clog the sink if you do that…”

“They’re small enough to fit…” I shrugged, “Better than burning the place down by putting it in the garbage.”

“I guess, but still…”

“I’ll flush them down the toilet next time.”

“No, no, you’re not gonna be smoking again!” Keith growled as he finished up his stitches, wrapping bandages around it, “Take a drink or something. There’s complimentary Jack Daniels in the fridge…”

I didn’t hesitate to throw open the fridge door and started chugging down the bottle of Jack.

“Whoa, slow down. Lemme have a sip.” I handed him the bottle and he took a long swig.

“It’s been a stressful night…” I set the alcohol down on the nightstand, “The last time I was in a hotel room with you, you ran away.” I forced a laugh.

Keith frowned, “I’m sorry…” He looked away, “Is there any ice in the fridge by any chance?”

“Lemme check…” I looked inside, “Nope. Sorry. Want me to get you some?”

“It would be much appreciated.”

“Okay.” I grabbed the ice bucket and left. Before I went to the ice machine, I stopped outside to take yet another hit of tobacco. I was traumatized still to this day. I very rarely even went in hotels. And now, here I was staying in a hotel with the exact same person that traumatized me in the first place. I prayed to god that Keith wouldn’t run away this time. I was desperate for him to stay.

After smoking my cigarette down to the butt, I dropped it into the ashtray and went back inside. I filled the bucket up with ice and walked back to the room, opening it quickly. I dropped the ice pail and immediately panicked when I didn't see Keith in his spot on the bed.

“KEITH?!” I started screaming for him, pacing around the room and practically ripping my hair out. I started hyperventilating as I searched the bathroom for him, “KEITH?!”

The door opened and I whipped out my gun, pointing it at the person who walked in. It was Keith, holding a candy bar toward his mouth. I dropped my weapon and started bawling.

“Lance, what the hell was that?” He asked.

“I-I thought you left me again!” I choked, “Why the fuck did you leave the room?”

“I was hungry…” He came closer to me and I was weak enough to fall into his arms, clutching onto him.

“D-Don’t leave me, please…” I cried, “I need you here…”

“I know… Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere…” He petted my hair gently, “Why don’t you lay down for me?”

“O-Okay…” I sniffled, laying down on the bed obediently.

“Deep breaths.” He whispered, “Just relax…” He placed his hand on my head and I started to slow my breathing.

“Easy does it…” He laid next to me, “Wanna take a bath?”

“N-no.” I took a deep breath.

“Shower then?”

“…S-sure…” He helped me up onto my feet and I let him lead me to the bathroom, trembling slightly.

He started rubbing my shoulders, “Mind if I take your shirt off?”

“Go… Ahead…”

He started unbuttoning my dress shirt slowly and I shrugged it off with ease. He massaged my biceps.

“Man, I remember when you were just a lanky teenager… Now look at you. You’re buff.” Keith chuckled.

“Had to work out some…” I mumbled, “They wouldn’t let me in the police academy if I didn’t have some muscle…”

“Hmm…” He moved to my chest and my breathing hitched slightly. I liked it when he touched my body. It made me feel wanted.

“I’ve always loved your bronze skin, you know? I’ve never been able to tan without burning.” I felt butterflies in my stomach as he showered me in compliments.

We both took our own pants and boxers off before stepping into the basin. Keith turned on the water and I nodded when it was warm enough for me. He started massaging my back and after a little while, the tension in my body went away. The heat of the water and the feeling of Keith’s hands behind me were soothing.

“Keith…” I let out a soft moan and I couldn’t help but blush. That was a strange noise.

“Just relax… I’ll take care of you…” His hands were moving along my waist again and I gulped, squeezing my eyes shut. His hand went to my crotch and I gasped.

“Can I touch you there?”

I nodded in consent before he started jerking me off. I bit my lip, holding back my sounds. I wanted to holler his name, but I was feeling a little shy. I let out a heavy breath, looking down at his hand wrapped around my cock. His hand jobs were the best. Precum started leaking from my member and I whined in embarrassment.

“K-Keith stop…” I huffed and he let go. He may have been aggressive and dominating, but he knew what the words ‘stop’ and ‘no’ meant. He never did anything that displeased me, and I appreciated how considerate he was.

“What do you want?” He asked.

“I-I… I want you to fuck me…” I gulped down what seemed like a gallon of saliva because my mouth went dry.

“Put your hands against the wall?” He requested and I listened, sticking my ass out for him.

“Don’t even prep me. I’ll be fine…”

“Are you sure? It’s gonna hurt tomorrow…”

“I don’t give a shit. Just fuck me…” My breathing went shallow as I felt his cock inside me. I squeezed around it, causing him to moan. Thank god, we were in a wet area so it was at least somewhat smoother without lube.

“You okay?”

“J-Just fuck me!” I growled and he started thrusting hard and fast. I didn’t hold back my moans this time as I grasped the wall, moving against him in time with his humping. I shakily reached a hand down to jerk myself off as he held my hips in place so I wouldn’t fall.

“K-Keith…” I wanted everything he had. Even if it hurt like hell. I wanted to remember this feeling forever and I never wanted him to leave my side again.

“Lance…” He chanted my name and tears started running down my face. He didn’t know I was crying because he was behind me and water was still beating down on us.

His hips began sputtering unevenly as he came into me and I let out a howl of pleasure as I came seconds after. He kept moving rhythmically throughout our orgasms, causing me to melt. He pulled out and I fell to my knees.

“Lance…” He hugged me as I cried into my hands, watching our fluids go down the drain.

“I never want you to run away ever again…” I sobbed, “Never, ever…”

* * *

 

After washing up, we sat on the bed together, towels around our waists. I was brushing Keith’s hair. I used to put his hair up in pigtails back in the day just to make him mad.

“Geez, do you ever put any product in your hair?”

“No, why the hell would I do that?”

“Because healthy hair is better hair!” I leaned over and nibbled his ear affectionately.

“Ouch.” He deadpanned.

“What?! I’m just trying to be cute or whatever!” I pouted.

“Whatever. If you’re gonna do that, do it to my neck… You know I have sensitive ears…”

“Oh, I know.” I licked my lips and blew carefully into his ear. He blushed and pushed me away.

“Stop.” He warned.

“Fine, fine.” I sighed and started kissing along his neck before sucking. He let out a shaky moan. It had been awhile, but maybe Keith would let me top. Even when we were younger, it was rare for me to be the one fucking.

“Keith, please?” I whispered.

His face became flushed before he nodded. I untied the towel from around my waist as he got up to grab one of those complimentary condoms. Keith hated cum in his ass and cleaning it up even more so. He returned to me shaking a bottle of lubricant he found and tossed me a condom.

“Why so quick? Let’s have a little foreplay.” I smirked.

He rolled his eyes, “You know I like to get straight to the point.”

“It’s just because you don’t like being submissive like me.” I chuckled. Keith was more of a power bottom when I was fucking him. That dominant personality would always be around no matter what position we were in.

I patted the spot beside me on the bed. Keith threw off his towel before laying down on the bed. I kissed his hand and he rolled his eyes. 

"What? Don’t you like it?” I kissed up his arm.

“Stop trying to be some hopeless romantic…” He muttered, “Just get to it…”

“Mm but I wanna enjoy this, it’s been awhile~!” I lubed up my fingers and inserted one into him, “Maybe you can handle being fisted?”

“Hell no.” Keith snorted, “I don’t know how you can, but I sure as fuck can’t.” He shivered when I touched his sweet spot.

“Oh, you like that?” I put in a second finger, followed by a third.

“Sh-shut up and do me already!”

“I need to stretch you out, calm your tits.” I hummed as I continued to finger my boyfriend. I loved the way he unraveled biting his lip in frustration, his face bright red.

I wrapped my free hand around his dick and he moaned in a higher pitch.

“You tend to do a lot of the work… It’s my turn now…” I kissed his chest lovingly. I wanted him to really know how much a needed him. How much I yearned for him. He was my everything and I wished I could tell him…

I decided he was open enough before rolling the condom onto my hardening cock. Still to this day I could get a boner just from Keith’s moans alone. I had a weird fetish or something… Then again, this was Keith, the most stunning and handsome man I’d ever encountered. I was so glad to have him back now. I had a Keith fetish.

“J-Just fuck me already!” He groaned as I moved my cock into him. We inhaled sharply together as I went all the way in.

“I-It’s been a long time…” I let out a soft moan, “Want me to move?”

“No.” He used his might to push me down onto the bed, “This cowboy is gonna have some fun.” He smirked and I grinned widely as he rode me.

I shuddered, “Goddamn, you really are a freaking power bottom…” I huffed, starting to sweat. I bucked my hips into him and he gasped, “Prostate?”

“Y-yeah…” Keith panted as he continued bouncing on my dick. It was such a sight, one I’d never let myself forget. I reached up and stroked his cock.

“F-fuck!” He chanted, “L-Lance.” He let out one last lower groan before coming, twitching as he did. I came after two more thrusts.

I breathed slowly as he moved his hand in a circular motion around my abdomen, “Damn, I’m tired…”

“Same here…” He said, lifting himself up off my length. I went to dispose of the dirty condom before laying down beside him.

“Funny…” I gazed into his eyes, “This is kinda how everything ended last night…”

“What do you mean?”

“We have no idea what the hell is going on or what’s in for us…” I clutched his hand, “But at least we have each other…”

“Yeah…” Keith moved the bangs out of my face, “You’ve got me wrapped around your fucking finger now…”


	9. Flowers for the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I started shaking in fury, expression downright murderous, “So, you basically killed my dad… Is that what you’re saying?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! If you haven't already, please take a moment to check this [alternate ending chapter](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11693121)  
> out! A lot of people are really depressed by it, lol. I had a lot of fun writing it nonetheless. 
> 
> Now here's that angst y'all haven't been looking forward to!

_December 5 th, 2008_

_The day my dad met Keith_

My meetings with Keith were a secret because I didn’t want my dad to know I was going out and vandalizing public property. I attempted to keep his existence hidden when we started dating, but my parents found him in my closet while I was in the bathroom. And that was the day _I_ also came out of the closet.

“Mama, papi… This is… Keith… My boyfriend…” I held his hand tightly, “Keith, these are my parents…”

My mother was highly enthused. My father was the complete opposite.

“Get him out of here. I never want to see him in this house again.” He ripped our hands apart.

“But papi! You haven’t given him a chance!” I cried out, stepping in front of Keith in defense.

“No son of mine will date some fishy boy!” He glared at Keith, “I know trouble when I see it…”

Maybe he was right… But at the time, I thought he was wrong.

“Don’t judge a person by their looks!” I scowled, “C’mon, Keith. It’s obvious we’re not welcome here… If Keith goes, I go too!” And with that, we walked out of the house.

* * *

 

_August 5 th, 2017_

_The anniversary of my father’s death_

First thing I did the moment I woke up was call my mother on the hotel phone. I needed to console her on this terrible day, and none of my siblings knew where to start when it came to her feelings. I was better with emotions. Not with my own, but with other people’s.

“It’s been seven years…” She sniffled, “I don’t know why I can’t stop crying about it still to this day…”

“It’s okay to cry, mama. He was your husband. I would be crying as much as you too if my spouse died…” I whispered so I wouldn’t risk waking Keith up.

“I wanted to spread his ashes out today… But I just can’t bring myself to…”

“Only do it if you’re comfortable, don’t force yourself.”

“Will you be coming home tonight, Lance?”

“I don’t think I can… I’m working…” I sighed, walking over to the window, not caring if my lower half was visible to the rest of the world, “I’ll try visiting you before the month ends though… I’ll spend the night.”

“That would be wonderful. I’ll have my baby boy back in the nest with me!”

I chuckled, “Okay mama, I gotta go. Te quiero mucho…” I hung up after she said goodbye. I looked over at Keith. He was awake.

“That your mom?”

“Yep… She gets really… Upset on this day…” I sat on the bed beside him.

He frowned before looking down, “Do you… Know where he died? Maybe we can visit the place... In memoriam of him…”

“…That would be nice….”

* * *

 

Keith led me to an abandoned plot of dirt. This place used to be a Galra base until it was burned down. Several years really took a toll on a patch of land, there weren’t any remnants of the building anymore. I picked up a rose on the way as a gift for my father. I set the flower down on the ground and said a silent prayer in his honor. Keith watched from a distance staying oddly quiet. It was weird he suggested we do this in the first place… I blinked when I thought deeper on the situation… I never told Keith my dad died… Nor did I tell him where it happened…

“Keith…” I went over to him, “… How did you know this was the day my dad died?”

That familiar glint of guilt in his gray eyes spoke a million words.

I lowered my eyes suspiciously, “Tell me what you know…” It sounded like an order. I didn’t know my voice could get that low.

“Lance, I…”

“TELL ME! I KNOW YOU KNOW SOMETHING!” I yelled, glaring at him.

“…I… I was there…” He gulped “I… Slit your dad’s throat and… He shot himself in the head…”

I started shaking in fury, expression downright murderous, “So, you basically killed my dad… Is that what you’re saying?”

“No, I-!”

“You fucking killed my dad after you broke it off with me because you hated him so much, then you thought you could get back with me after all the shit you caused?” I laughed, “You thought I was so stupid I wouldn’t find out, huh?”

“Lance, please, just calm down-!”

“HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN?!” My breathing hitched as the tears began to spill, “YOU MANIPULATED ME INTO TRUSTING YOU! YOU SLAUGHTERED MY DAD AND PULLED ME INTO YOUR TRAP AGAIN!”

“Lance, I’m sorry! It was all an accident!”

I squeezed my eyes shut as he continued to spout apology after apology. His talk meant nothing to me now, “Maybe we were an accident…” I grumbled, “I wish I never met you! Maybe then my dad wouldn’t be dead! I wouldn’t be so fucked up!”

His eyes widened in shock, “Lance, you don’t… You don’t mean that!”

“I MEAN EVERY SINGLE WORD.” I gritted my teeth, fists clenched, “You’re fucking disgusting… I can’t believe I let myself love you again… And… You touched me… With your filthy fucking murder hands…”

“It’s not like that!”

“Oh, is it?! Were you thinking about my dad that night when you fucked me? When your arms were wrapped around me, were you planning to kill me too?” I tensed up, “There’s no excuse, Keith… Nothing…” I started walking away.

“Please, Lance…” I stopped when Keith’s gaze hardened on me, desperate to hold on, “Don’t leave…”

“…” I shook my head, “Fuck off, Keith… I never want to see you again…” And with that, I was gone.

* * *

 

For the first time in a long time, I was finally walking home. I knocked on the front door and my mother opened it.

“Lance, I didn’t think you would come!” She smiled.

“Yeah, well, I changed my mind and decided to call in sick.” I hugged her as she invited me in with open arms.

“I made apple pie. When we first came to the states, your papa ordered apple pie from a restaurant because he’d never heard of it before. And then he begged me to make it for him almost every day!” She laughed and I chortled with her.

My parents had an excellent relationship. I really wished that I looked up to them as an example more often when I was younger…

“Is nobody else coming?” I asked, sitting at the kitchen table contently.

“Nah, they’re busy with work and stuff… It’s okay though, they’ll probably visit with the grandbabies this weekend.” She beamed as she dished me up a slice of pie, “Here you are. Would you like a drink?”

“Some scotch or vodka would be great.” I huffed.

“Lance, it is far too early to be getting drunk.” She laughed and I shrugged.

“It’s been a dreadful day…” I nibbled at my pastry, depression sinking through me.

“Well, I guess one drink wouldn’t hurt… This is your papi’s favorite.” She pulled out a bottle of Tawny Port, “Goes well with apple pie, I think.” She poured me a small glass and I took a nice, long sip.

“It’s good… Strong too.” I nodded as she poured some more in my glass, “Everyone else is really missing out today.”

“Si…” She looked out the window, gaze distant, “Lance, I need you to do me a favor…”

Here I was in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. I was slightly intoxicated, but my mama requested I do this. In a plastic baggy was the last of my father’s ashes. To think she was spreading the rest of them all this time by herself. She took some to his hometown in Cuba, where they first met, anywhere that was significant. The last place she wanted his ashes spread was in my least favorite place.

It was a gigantic field of blue poppies behind our house. My dad used to take me here for picnics when I was a child. I once shared this treasure with Keith and now the flowers made me feel bitter, even more so now… This was my father’s place and it had memories of Keith scattered through it. It was all soiled for me…

I looked down at the bag, “I dunno if I should do this… Keith and I… We came here a few times… It doesn’t feel like our secret poppy patch anymore, papi…”

A small voice in the back of my head told me it was okay. I took a deep breath before opening the bag, letting his ashes flow along through our vast ocean of blue. Once it was empty, I sat down on the ground, chugging the bottle of Port I brought me.

“Feliz día de la muerte…” I mumbled before falling asleep in the flowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? I want your guy's opinions. Should Lance go back to Keith or nah? XD I'm just being a dick tbh. But I wanna hear your thoughts on the matter. Your input may sway my decision in how the story goes--


	10. Last Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s okay… I’m addicted to the pain now… I love it when my heart aches…” I smiled genuinely and I could tell that it disturbed him, “Well, let’s get on the case…”

_September 1 st, 2017 _

_Last words._

It had been a month since I last saw Keith or anyone in general. I tucked myself away in my old home, barely leaving my room. I sunk into the deepest depths of depression just as before. I was so weak and I couldn’t hold myself together easily.

I came down the stairs, going to the kitchen. I hadn’t shaved in days, my hair was severely unkempt, and my breath constantly smelled like booze. My mother always gave me a worried gaze in the morning, something I learned to ignore. But today, she wasn’t even home. I checked the dining room and stared at the person sitting at the table.

“What are you doing here?”

“Lance, you’ve been missing for a month.” Shiro said, crossing his arms, “What happened?”

I shrugged, smiling sluggishly, “I lost faith in myself and all of humanity I guess…”

“Have you considered taking anti-depressants?”

“Hell no…” I grunted as I went to the kitchen, pouring myself a cup of orange juice.

He glanced at my hands, “Your nails are a mess…”

“Can’t stop biting them…” I didn’t paint them anymore, I was too lazy. I set my glass down and popped a cigarette in my mouth, searching my sweatpants pockets for a lighter. I looked up at Shiro holding up his own lighter. I didn’t hesitate to borrow it.

“Are you just done being a detective?”

“Nah, just taking a much-needed break…” I inhaled the tobacco, feeling the slow curdling of my darkened lungs. Every breath was pain.

“Well, we need you back…” He looked at me seriously, “We’re so close, Lance… If we get Lotor and Haggar, then it’ll all be over…”

I stared at him before tossing my small cigarette into the ashtray, “Fine. I’ll help. But…” I lowered my eyes, “Take my resignation after it’s over…”

His eyes became wide, “What?! No way! I can’t have that! You’re the best detective we have, Lance!”

“I’ve lost all my motivation to live…” I mumbled.

He looked bewildered, “Lance, are you considering…”

I smiled sadly at him, nodding. Suddenly, he was gripping me in a tight hug, crying. I was startled; It had been a long time since my last hug…

“Please don’t kill yourself, Lance… You have no idea how much you mean to me… To everyone… You touch the hearts of everyone you meet and you brighten everyone’s days… I-If you’re lost on motivation, I’ll help you get it back… I’ll help you however I can!” He pulled back, looking at me with tearful eyes, “I love you…”

The words came at me with critical force; It felt like I just got stabbed with a hot knife filled with flashbacks. Keith said he loved me. Hunk admitted to having stronger feelings for me… Now here Shiro was, saying the words I dreaded most of all.

I pushed him away, “Shiro, you don’t know what you’re saying. I’m so fucked up and broken… Shit, look at me!” I forced out a laugh, “I look like a disaster and I wanna die. What’s so great about that, huh? What the fuck are you guys seeing in me? I’m in a fucking love square of doom. You guys have a terrible sense of taste, you know that?”

“What are you talking about?”

I held my head in my hands as I laughed even harder, “Keith… Hunk… You… You’re all attracted to me and I hate it so much! I hate myself so much! I don’t want you guys to love me. I’m not good. I’m just…”

His hands moved to my cheeks and he gave me a sincere look of sympathy before pressing his lips to mine. Tears streamed down my face and I trembled. I wanted to love being kissed again, but I hated it so much now… I didn’t deserve these three men that had such strong feelings for me… All of them were so beautiful in their own little way and I loved them so much… But I couldn’t bring myself to be with them…

I pulled away, “Okay, you kissed me, satisfied?”

He frowned, “I’ve… Wanted to do that since the day I met you…”

“Heh, me too… But you waited way too long, Shiro… I got ruined… You were too late…”

“I… I know… I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay… I’m addicted to the pain now… I love it when my heart aches…” I smiled genuinely and I could tell that it disturbed him, “Well, let’s get on the case…”

* * *

 

I cleaned myself up within an hour before heading to the station with Shiro. I snuck sips of my silver flask as we drove, not wanting to be even remotely sober today. A part of me was scared because I knew exactly what was coming… But my adrenaline kicked in with the taste of bitter vodka.

“Look, it’s Lance. He’s still alive.” Pidge snorted and Shiro gave her a stern look. He knew I was rather sensitive in my depression.

“Yeah, it’s weird. I never thought I’d see the light of day again…” I looked around the room, noticing Hunk. I frowned, furrowing my eyebrows when he adverted his gaze from me and left. I followed him. Time to mend some ties.

“Hunk, hey.” I grabbed him by the shoulder, “Don’t go… Please… I need to… Fix us…”

He gave me a soft smile, “Lance, there really isn’t any fixing to be done now… We move on...”

“I suck at moving on. If you haven’t realized that, you’re stupid…” I huffed, giving him a hug, “Damn… I’m gonna miss you…”

“What are you talking about?” He chuckled. His laugh warmed my heart and I felt light as a feather for a whole two seconds.

I kissed his cheek, “Don’t worry about it… Let’s just get this case over with…” I forced a casual smile. He didn’t notice, nobody did.

We went through our plan. Another lead, another raid. I got a gun and a bullet proof vest. A cool shadow was looming over me now and I enjoyed his presence.

Keith walked in moments later wearing handcuffs. So, he turned himself in. He would be going straight to prison right after the raid. I wished I could do something more for him, but I was already doing him a huge favor by not turning him in for my dad’s murder. It went against my better judgement, but I still cared for him. Yuck. Why did I care for anyone nowadays? My heart was too big for my own good…

He explained the layout of the building we would be invading tonight. I was more prepared when he told us where the roof access was. For some reason, I felt my calling was there. Maybe I could jump off and my daddy would throw me onto his angel wings and drag me straight to hell where I belonged.

“Haggar is not a force to be reckoned with.” Keith said as Shiro undid his handcuffs.

“We should partner up so nobody encounters a Russian roulette with someone dangerous…” Hunk recommended.

“I’ll take Lance.” The three men spoke at the same time. Pidge and I stared. I was no longer phased by this.

“I’m one special snowflake I guess.” I sighed casually, “I guess I’ll pick… Einey, meanie, miney, moe…” My finger was on Keith. I took a deep breath, tensing up, “Guess I’m with you…”

“Okay…” He looked down, some shame visible on his face. Good. I wanted him to feel that way…

“Let’s get moving…” Shiro nodded to everyone and we were up and away in minutes. I took a long swig from my flask, stumbling slightly. Keith helped me up.

“You okay?” He asked quietly.

“Never been better.” I said, sneering stubbornly as I drank the rest of my alcohol, “You?”

“I… Feel terrible…” He answered honestly.

“Lemme guess, you feel bad for all the shit you caused and wanted to partner up with me so you could say you’re sorry?” I scoffed, “That’s not how this works, Keith. You can’t apologize for killing my dad and taking away all my innocence…”

“I didn’t want to apologize… I just wanted to keep you safe.”

“Boy, oh boy, my hero…” I choked, “I wish you would’ve saved me when I actually needed you… Heh, you freaking promised to help me ‘Save me from myself’? Bull shit. Pure bull shit.”

“It wasn’t bull shit to me if that’s what you think.” He growled, starting to get frustrated as we exited the building.

“I can’t believe you anymore. You kept too many secrets from me.”

“I was trying to keep you safe, Lance!”

“From what?! From you? From how bad you were? Come on Keith, the person I knew before, the one I know now, he’s just wearing a mask because he’s too much of a fucking coward to admit he’s just as broken as the person standing next to him!”

We stared at each other for a long time. His loving eyes were causing me to crumble, bit by bit.

“I… I don’t wanna be alone, you know?” I sniffled, “All I wanted was to love and be loved… And then you ruined everything and I… I wanna be mad at you! Fuck, I wanna hate you more than myself, but… I just can’t… You’re the only one that knows how to shatter me by just looking at me… You’ve seen me broken so many times before… I’m surprised you’re still hanging around trying to scramble up the mess…”

“Well, you said it yourself…” He closed his eyes, body language weak and vulnerable, “I’m just as broken as you… Maybe I need to save me from myself too…”

“We all do…” I mumbled as I got in the car.

* * *

 

A few minutes felt like dreaded years. I was sitting next to Keith in the back. Shiro was driving, Hunk was in the passenger seat. The sirens were ringing and we were traveling at the speed of light, but I felt like we were being far too slow. I needed to be at the raid now. I wanted to be on the roof ledge, ready to dive into a sea of flat concrete.

I was so fixated on dying tonight. I didn’t understand why. I had no good reason to commit suicide. I had a caring family and an amazing career; Why did I want to die? That jolt of reality caused me to freeze and grasp Keith’s hand, holding it tightly. He squeezed it like he knew exactly what I was thinking. Was he going to stop me or would he let me jump? If he really loved me, he’d let my story end. I didn’t need more of this bull shit living, no matter how much I doubted my choice.

The vehicle came to a halt and suddenly I was having an out of body experience. I was watching myself get out, load my gun, cross my arms, and lower my head in short prayer. What was I praying about? I had no clue. My instincts told me I was asking my dad to catch me when the final fall came. I gulped, coming back into existence when Shiro asked me a question.

“Lance? You okay?” He gripped my shoulder.

I nodded, “Yep. Yeah. I’m gonna be fine.” I took a deep breath as I ran in through one side of the building.

As I tip toed, I didn’t have to look back to know Keith was directly behind me. I could hear his voice in my consciousness screaming, “Don’t do it. Don’t do it.” Repeatedly like a broken record. I gritted my teeth as I went through a jagged hallway, speeding up. I wanted to escape him once and for all. No matter how hard I tried, he would always be in the back of my head.

“Lance, stop!” He finally tripped over something and I didn’t hesitate to run away just like he did years ago. I didn’t want to go back, I wanted to kill two mobsters and then myself.

I stopped in one room when I saw a figure curled up in a corner. I held my gun upright, ready to shoot.

“Pull the trigger…” They whispered, “I’m done for anyway… I don’t want to live anymore…” She revealed her face and I instantly recognized her from the suspect photographs.

“Haggar…” I kept my gun up.

“It’s actually…” She paused and chuckled, “You know what, it doesn’t matter, actually… My time’s up… After my husband died, I had nothing left to live for…”

“…Why’d you do it?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Everything I did, I did for him… Zarkon… I loved him so much and did my best to please him even after he stopped paying attention to me… Started playing games with those hookers…” Her eyes were filled with tears, “Ever wonder what it’s like to love someone with all your being just for them to betray you?”

“I… Know exactly how that feels…” I flinched at the sudden gunshot. Her blood painted the wall behind her, eyes wide open like Zarkon’s when he died. I felt like puking. Now I had two awful memories…

“She always talked too much…” A familiar chill ran up my spine. Lotor shot her…

“Why the hell-…” My breathing hitched as the edge of a cold blade danced against my throat.

“Out with the old, in with the new. Didn’t need deadweight in this new Galra gang…” His hand moved along my trembling skin; I felt numb.

“Harder…” I murmured, “Slit my throat…” I could go out just like dad.

“I’m not going to kill you…” I could feel his grin on my cheek, “I’m going to keep you, regardless of how miserable you are… I’ll make you suffer even more for trying to screw me over, detective Lance Mcclain.”

I closed my eyes, tears coming out, “I don’t care anymore… I’m dead on the inside anyway…”

“How depressing… You really are miserable…” He nipped at my earlobe and I turned into a rag doll; Lifeless and limp.

“I just… Want to die…” Out of pure luck, I managed to wrap my arm around him, shooting him in the side. He gasped and quickly planted his knife directly into my chest before falling to the floor.

My eyes were wide in a mixture of surprise and… Joy. I chortled, clutching the weapon in my chest as I slowly went down to my knees. Keith burst into the room, screeching was followed by Shiro and Hunk. The three of them came to me as I laid down in a puddle of blood that was not mine.

I couldn’t decipher their words. My mind was going blank. Is this what it was like to die? It was oddly painful yet disgustingly satisfying. Bittersweet perhaps? Maybe… I smiled at them. Hunk was sobbing, holding the wound with all his might. Shiro was shaking profusely, screaming at his phone after he dialed 911. I let my head droop to one side, catching Keith’s gaze.

His eyes were clouded with fear and glazed over with tears. Pale face was paler, frowning was deeper. He looked as dead as I felt. He knew my fate and it tortured him slowly. At that moment, I knew he would never move on. He would never look at another man like he looked at me. As he held my hand for the very last time, he gave me my heart back and I robbed his.

“I’ll take it to my grave…” I grinned charmingly.

“Do it. If you go, I go too…”

“Nah…” I laughed, coughing up blood, “You couldn’t save me, so save you from yourself… Do what I didn’t get to do…”

“Lance…”

“Keith…”

_End…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if I should add more tags, if the rating should change, if I should add content warnings, or if I'm doing something terribly wrong and should just delete this fic. :)


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